Parenting Gen Z in the shadow of abductions

For Peter Kibuchi and Lynette Kibuchi, the second part of 2024 was a terrifying and scary season in their parenting journey. The couple, parents to two Gen Zs, say they lived a life of tension, and are thankful that the year ended without any incidents. 

The stressful season they say was due anxiety of not knowing what to expect each day, especially during the Gen Z demonstrations in the second phase of the year.

The rising number of abductions, disappearances, and deaths of youths who were age mates of their sons, aged 23 and 26, worsened the situation. 

“The last half of the year was a distressing moment for us as parents of two young adults who were yet to ‘fly out of the nest,” says Kibuchi.

His wife weighs in on the impact of the seconds, minutes, days and months that affected their mental health – living in anticipation as they read and heard from the media about the deaths, disappearances and abductions. 

“On two occasions these moments were brought closure home when a neighbor lost their son through unclear circumstances after disappearing without trace for a month, while the daughter of our church members had a brush with strangers, but thank God it was a case of mistaken identity,” says Lynette. 

Though their sons assured them of keeping off trouble, the parents say they are shaken by what had happened to several parents and families as a result of the stressful moments of disappearances, deaths and abduction targeting Gen Zs. 

They say they are hopeful 2025 will bring better relations between the Gen Zs and those in governance – that is if the stressful moments are caused by the actions they have taken to communicate their dissatisfaction of what they perceive to be bad leadership and governance. 

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The couple says, with this new challenge they are worried how to bring up their daughter and youngest son, both of who are in their early teens. 

This situation is replicated in Juliana Musomba’s parenting journey.

Julian, a single mother of two pre-teen children, aged 10 and 12, is worried on parenting the two children through teenage and young adult’s journey. 

“With what has been happening around the teenagers – the Gen Zs, I am worried if this is the situation I will be in when my children finally turn teenagers and young adults,” says the mother of two. 

According to Unicef diaries on parenting, whether you and your teen are getting along well or having challenges, it is important to show that you love and support them and remind yourselves how much you love each other. 

The global children’s body lists advises that parents of teenagers and young adults work together on setting up new routines and setting achievable, daily goals as your circumstances may change with the changing context. 

Adolescence means independence! Try to give your teen the appropriate time and space to be on their own and take on more responsibility. 

Find a few ways you can support and encourage your teen to take breaks (from schoolwork, housework, or other activities they may be working on) to do things they enjoy and spend time with their friends. 

“If your teen is frustrated, work with them to brainstorm some solutions to problems. Try not to take over and tell them what to do,” says a children’s rights advocate. 

Sharing of emotions and feelings

Always find time to check on your children – teens and young adults. Ask them how their day was, and what they have been doing. 

Chose a time and create events that give you time to bond with them – invite them to join you in a task such as cooking a meal so you can use the time to talk heartily, thereby creating an environment that will let them relax and talk their hearts out,” says Faith Baraka, a social worker.

Faith advises parents to remind their teens and young adults that they are there for them, no matter what, and that they want to hear how they are feeling and what they are thinking. 

She emphasis the importance to acknowledge and understand emotions they might be experiencing, even if it feels uncomfortable. For example, she says, a response such as “I understand” or “it sounds like a difficult situation” or “that makes sense” when they share with you. 

The social worker says it can be easy to notice the things your teen or young adult is doing that you do not like. However, she advises parent to try to notice and praise them for something they are doing well – even if it is something very simple. 

Work through conflict 

Listen to your teens’ views and try to sort out problems between you and your teen calmly, and remember everyone can be stressed,” says. 

She advises teenage parents to never discuss an issue while they are angry, but to instead walk away, take a breath and calm down, choosing to talk to them about it later. 

According to the expert, with the country feeling unpredictable right now, teens might be struggling to feel in control of anything. 

When there is a conflict, she says, take some time to reflect on how you and your teen can resolve the conflict. You can discuss these reflections with your teen, so they see how you are processing ideas. 

“As difficult as it can be in the moment, empathise with your teen’s desire to assert control in a scary time, rather than attempting to fight back or overpower it,” she advises. 

Let your children know that you are not a superhuman, but their parent and let them know that you are also experiencing extra stress and how you feel lost, uncertain or scared. Faith says modeling how you deal with difficult feelings can help them know their own feelings are okay. 

According to Unicef, Caregivers have a lot to deal with, and so parents too, need care and support for themselves. The advice is: “Practicing self-care which is a good way of modelling self-care to your teen”. 

“Don’t wait too long to ask others for help if you are feeling overwhelmed,” says Faith. She says it is normal and okay to feel this way, but the healthy thing is to find a family member or someone you can talk with to maintain sobriety. 

Parents, she says, should make time in their day to do things that help them cope and manage stress.