Which 'party animal' are you when it comes to clubbing?

Just like in life, every night club-goer falls into a stereotype no matter what age group. People are stereotyped from the moment they walk through those club doors on their first night:

Rough Type

This group are recognised by the way they talk, much like a combination of gangsters and ruffians. They have facial scars, caused by vicious beatings at the hands of enemy gangs. Rather than suits, they tend to wear clothing with fake designer labels and baseball caps.

They cart around cheap beer which comes in bottles made of extra-thick glass, making them the most suitable bottles to smash people in the face with during a pub fight.

Eager Type

These are the underage or fresh from high school kids who ‘sneak’ into the club. Flailing their arms around in some kind of odd rythmn and pumping their shoulders furiously, they try desperately to look cool.

These types hang around night clubs that have lax policies for entry. They are a lot like the Rough types but without the smell and their women are a lot less hairy. ‘Shady’ university & college students also fall in this category.

Cutting Edge Type

These are the cool kids. They all photograph themselves. In fact, that’s all they always seem to be doing. One pose after another, as though they needed to prove their own existence, right there, in the moment.

There is very little dancing. Just pouting and flashbulbs.

These kids want to attract teenage girls because they in turn attract lecherous old men - one of the biggest drinking groups yet identified.

Westy Type

These are the largest group. There are so many you might be tempted to believe there is some kind of wildebeest migration going on. Scientists who specialise in ‘pub-ology’ have not yet been able to explain why every person in a club of this type will be named either Shawn or Wayne or Sasha or Tracey (pronounced Try-see) in the case of females.

Out of Towners

Mostly consists of celebrities and well-off individuals with maybe a ‘clande’. They turn up for a public appearance and sit around drinking free champagne and generally just ‘being there’.

Everyone is just sitting or standing around and talking to each other. Where are the drunken chicks hooting and hollering and flashing? Where’s the old guy in a God-papa hat sitting at the end of the bar, making faces at the women? Where are the guys fighting over the pool table?

CBD Type

These are the ones having an after work drink or watching the footie. Many of them are karaoke enthusiasts who love to belt out their favourite tunes at the top of their voices. Women, of a sort, can often be found here.

The younger ones are usually touting for business or to get laid.

You will be lucky if you can get a taxi, because for some reason the people who could barely even walk out the club are now sprinting to make sure you don’t get the taxi you’ve waited longer than anyone else for.

Still, you’ll still do it all over again next week with your clique.