90s love: Of bribes, notes and secret rendezvous

Long before smartphones, instant messaging, and social media, love was a battlefield— quite literally. In the 1990s and the years before, communication was a daunting hurdle for lovers. With no mobile phones or internet, passing a message to a love interest required creativity, patience, and, more often than not, bribery.

Every romantic interaction was a mission requiring military precision. Lovers planned their meetings down to the last detail—the time, the place, even the choice of attire. One missed cue, and the entire operation could crumble. Unlike today, where a text message or a call can summon a partner within seconds, back then, love letters were the primary mode of communication, often smuggled through siblings, cousins, or trusted neighbours.

The use of intermediaries was an art form. A girl’s younger siblings, in particular, played a crucial role. With the right inducement—a few sweets, a coveted five-shilling coin known as Kobole, or a small treat—they would agree to deliver a carefully folded love note or whisper the whereabouts of their sister. In return, they demanded absolute discretion. Betrayal was not an option, for a single word to strict parents or watchful elder brothers could spell disaster.

With no gadgets or apps to send instant messages, secret signals were the next best option. A carefully timed knock on the wooden gate, a distinct tapping pattern, or even the gentle shake of a fence were all codes that lovers devised to announce their presence. If all else failed, a small pebble thrown onto the roof was the ultimate desperate signal—a silent plea that said, "I’m here, and I won’t leave until I see you."

Sneaking out to meet one’s lover was an extreme sport. If a girl managed to slip away unnoticed, the moment had to be seized quickly. Parents were vigilant, and if caught, the consequences were severe—harsh reprimands, flying kicks, and an outpouring of verbal scolding that could echo through the entire village.

But for those few stolen moments, the rush was exhilarating. A hurried conversation, a whispered exchange of sweet nothings, a brief but electrifying touch of hands—perhaps even a daring kiss before the shadows of discipline loomed. Love in the 90s was thrilling because it was forbidden, a constant game of risk and reward.

Love did not come cheap. Beyond the poetry of handwritten letters and the adrenaline of secret meetings, there was a cost. The younger siblings and close friends of a girl knew the value of their role. They were the gatekeepers, the messengers, and the spies, all rolled into one. Their silence had a price, and failing to meet their demands could mean a lost opportunity—or worse, exposure.

The bribes varied. Some were simple—a few coins, sweets, or a promise of a small favour. Others required more effort, like running errands for the family or even befriending the neighbourhood watchmen to ensure safe passage. A man had to be resourceful and generous to keep the love flame burning.

For those who lived through this era, reminiscing about these grand efforts evokes a sense of nostalgia. The generation that endured the struggles of handwritten notes, coded knocks, and mosquito-infested roadside waiting now looks at today’s world with a mix of amusement and envy.

The Gen Zs and Millennials have it easy. With just a tap on a screen, they can send a text, make a call, or even video chat with their loved ones. There’s no need for elaborate schemes, no waiting for hours by the roadside, no bribing siblings, and no fear of parental wrath. Love today is as effortless as sending a heart emoji.

Yet, those who courted in the 90s remember the thrill of the chase. The adrenaline rush of a successful meeting, the warmth of a handwritten love letter, the small victories of outwitting watchful guardians—all of these made love a grand adventure.

Yes, modern technology has made romance more convenient. But for those who experienced the era of stealthy love, the memories remain priceless. Love was hard-earned, and perhaps, that made it all the more beautiful.