
Hi Chris,
I love reading romantic novels, but my relationships are nothing like those I read about or see in the movies! Am I missing something important? How can I get more passion into my love life?
Missing Romance
Chris says,
Hi, Missing Romance!
You’re not missing anything! The love that’s described in novels, movies, TV shows, and music is hugely unrealistic. In novels, love’s always a huge drama. Real love is kinder and more caring.
In the movies, lovemaking is always passionate. In good relationships, it’s more tender. Persistence and obsession are rewarded in pop songs and TV shows. When actually, it’s terrifying.
OK, some relationships do go through a passionate stage early on that’s full of obsessive thoughts, jealousy, anxiety and wanting to spend every moment together.
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However healthy relationships gradually evolve into commitment, friendship, and respect. Both partners feel loved and cared for, yet able to pursue their individual needs.
Real love’s about enjoying each other as you really are. Gradually growing together so that you completely understand one another. Lots of shared laughter. Never feel like you’re suffocating, struggling to make the relationship work, or walking on eggshells, worrying about what might happen next.
Relationships are not meant to be as difficult as they seem in the movies. So if one of yours is, then something’s wrong!
Like a boyfriend who insists on checking your phone, who hacks your emails, or who phones friends to check your whereabouts. Or is violent or has issues with alcohol or drugs.
So don’t fall for the Hollywood idea that all relationships are dramatic, stressful, or hard work. That’s simply not true. A relationship should be happy. So if you have one that isn’t, that’s a signal for you to take action.
Especially if you have more than one like that. That suggests you might be actively seeking out dramatic relationships, maybe unconsciously. If you think you might be, admit it to yourself, and deliberately look for men who are kinder and more stable. They may not be as exciting as the lovers in romantic novels, but they’ll be much nicer!
All the best,
Chris