Confessions: 'My girlfriend dumped her boyfriend for me but now I want to end things'

To make matters worse, we live with her brother and his family (Image: Shutterstock)

Dear Coleen

I got together with my girlfriend three-and-a-half years ago when she was still with someone else. We had an instant physical attraction and I thought I’d met the love of my life.

She dumped her boyfriend, which was hard for her to do because they’d been seeing each other for six years, and we got together.

However, I now realise there isn’t much more to the relationship than the sex side of things and even that isn’t as good as it was.

To make matters worse, we’re living with her brother and his family, who I don’t get on with, and I hate feeling like a guest in their home, and that I can’t be myself or put a foot wrong.

I have tried to talk to her about ending the relationship, but I always get cold feet.

And whenever we’ve argued about things in the past, she always throws at me that I was the one who made her end a perfectly happy long-term relationship, which makes me feel guilty.

It’s true, I did pile on the pressure for her to leave her ex, but I thought it was right at the time.

Can you help?

Coleen says,

Things change and people change, and no relationship is guaranteed to last forever, so I think it’s unfair of her to hold this over you and I don’t think you should feel guilty.

She obviously wanted to end things with her ex at the time and give things a go with you, so I doubt she was “perfectly happy”. It’s not all on you!

Full disclosure, there’s no easy way to end a relationship – your girlfriend will be upset and angry – but you can’t stay with her out of guilt.

The situation isn’t fair on either of you – you’re miserable and she’s being strung along when you could both be happier either alone or with other people.

But you need to have the conversation with her and give her a chance to respond, so stop sticking your head in the sand.

Finally, I’m sure living with her family isn’t helping your sex life and probably adds to the pressure, so take some time to think about whether that’s playing any part in how you feel about her and the relationship.