I don't trust my wife around her male colleagues

My wife works with a non-governmental organization and the nature of her work requires extensive travel to various parts of the country. Most times she leaves Monday morning only to return on Thursday or Friday. Most of her colleagues are men and whenever I talk to her in the evenings I hear people drinking and partying around her. I love and trust her but every time she leaves I cannot help but worry about what she is doing out there. Principally, it is not her I don’t trust but the people she travels with. I am often so jealous of any other man taking advantage of her in those remote places and especially under the influence of alcohol. I have even contemplated asking her to quit but she makes a lot more money. How can I deal with these fears? I also feel that she is not there for our children as much as a mother should be. Please advice. {Franklin}

Your Take:

Does she drink and go out when she is at home? Could she be looking for something you don’t give  her like the happiness of going out and being treated well? You may also need to know the people she travels with and their characters.

If they appear to be suspicious, share your fears with her and ask for her advice. She may surprise you with her response. Also, check to see if you still connect with her like you did earlier on. If not, she may indeed be having affairs out there.

{Eunice Mbugua}

Franklin, this is indeed a big dilemma you are in. However, you need to have some more faith in her and assume that nothing is happening while they are away on their working trips. Having many thoughts about this will make you suffer in silence and can really hurt you.

{Amos Shabbir}

You have all the reasons to doubt her. Open your eyes wide as the writing is on the wall. If you  trust her, then do not doubt or suspect her of cheating. Remember you have the option of having her quit then living without the money she brings home.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Did you discuss the nature of her job before she took it? If she had the job even before you met her, you should have taken time to understand its nature. Don’t bring this issue up now as it is already too late.

{Joab Ngereso}

I see absolutely no problem here. It is very simple, share your fears with her and she will give you her side of the story.

{Jacob Otieno}

Counselor’s Take:

Truth be told, no man will sit comfortably in his house, legs raised on the table with a newspaper in hand with his wife out there in a remote location in the company of other men. Yes, indeed there is the issue of trust and faithfulness, but remember it is the responsibility of the man to take care and protect his woman.

 This protection also includes from other men who interestingly find married women irresistible and look for every available opportunity to take them to bed. For a woman whose job involves frequent travel, the opportunity is there and there will be no shortage of hyenas with bubbling ideas about how to mix business with pleasure.

 Field travel provides an opportunity, privacy and a lesser likelihood of getting caught. Put alcohol in the picture and yes, there is indeed reason to worry for a man in this situation.

However, if you look at it carefully, you will realise that cheating is a personal and conscious decision people make. The fact that someone has frequent travel does not necessarily increase their likelihood to cheat, it only creates another opportunity.

Housewives have been known to cheat; working professionals with the usual 9am to 5pm routine have been known to cheat, but then there are also very committed housewives and professionals who remain true to their marriages. This illustrates that cheating is a personal decision.

Worrying about this will not help much but it may be good to share your fears with her. In so doing, she will feel valued and appreciated and you will have the load off your shoulder.

This candid talk is always helpful for both parties more so to provide reassurance on the party who feels threatened. The woman should, therefore, work overdrive to reduce suspicion on her part also to reinforce her reassurance messages to him.

As organizations and businesses grow and spread out in different places, staff are increasingly being required to travel frequently sometimes for prolonged periods of time. While this may provide reason to worry for people in relationships, it does not have to be a deal breaker.

 If the travelling partner knows why they are traveling and appreciates that it is natural for the other party to be apprehensive from time to time then they should always seek to reassure the other party and remain true to the relationship. {Taurus}