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When I get furious, I like to bawl out, have a go at anyone within a ten-mile radius and basically see to it that my point of view has been effectively put across. My past relationships have consisted of intense fights, during which I would fly off the handle in a rage. Sometimes I am that girl who will sit, seething in rage, waiting for the guy to walk through the door so I can lash out and vent out my frustrations. I also fight to win and will not hesitate to cite numerous examples from the past to support my case. I am also the reigning champion of dramatic exits. When an argument does not go the way I had anticipated, when the man’s point of view starts to make sense and looks like he is winning, I storm out in a huff.
But unlike me, most people hate fighting. They hate conflict and avoid it at all costs. You hate it when your partner is upset and would rather keep things bottled up rather than risk an argument. Much as we would like it to be, relationships are not all Kumbaya and rainbow. You are bound to hit a rough patch at some point and the two of you would become embroiled in occasional disagreements. While a relationship should not be filled with spats and discontent, a healthy dose of disagreement is critical to keeping the relationship going.
Fighting in and of itself is not a threat to a relationship. Constructive fighting that occurs within reason, and makes room for emotional expression while avoiding abuse, can actually make a relationship stronger and able to withstand the test of time. Fighting in this sense does not mean physical combat, but rather not backing away when confronted with arguments and disagreements as these are the only ways to get to know each other better. When one or both partners concede to everything and do not even go to the trouble to fight for love, there will most definitely be setbacks in the relationship due to unresolved issues and resentment.
Do not inevitably conclude that your relationship is off kilter because you are always going at each other. On the contrary, you should be concerned when your better half does not even have enough fire left to start a real argument. Reluctance to fight in a relationship could mean that the union is coming to an end. The passion that was once burning bright has been replaced with complacency and apathy. When your partner picks a fight with you, it shows that he or she cares and wants to work things out by expressing his or her dissatisfaction, although it might not seem look like that in the heat of the moment.
Coming through the other side of an argument strengthens the bond between you. The bigger and more intense the fight, the stronger you will emerge. You will get that mentality of ‘if we could get past that, we can get past anything.’ Also, post-fight makeup sex is a great thing to look forward to.
@RoxanneKenya [email protected]
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