My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law turn me into a mboch during Christmas

Hi Uncle Ted,

Frankly, nothing bores me like Christmas. While other women are taken to Mombasa, my husband insists on herding us to his shags, where we spend a whole week huddled in a tiny mud house. What annoys me is that my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law turn me into a mboch. They just wake up and sit in the sun like lizards, waiting for breakfast! Then there are all these dirty villagers who come to ‘greet’ my husband. Guess who cooks? Me! I have done this nonsense for three years and I am frankly fed up. What should I do? 

Christine

Christine, this is a very small problem. You have two choices. Tell your husband to go to hell and stick in Nairobi watching those boring Christmas movies and painting your nails. He can go to shags with the kids if he wants. Remaining in Nairobi alone will give you time to bond with yourself – and maybe get some decent sex from a mpango if you have one without looking over your shoulder.  He can also get some shady village wife to be doing those chores, kwani? Alternatively, go to his shags and refuse to cook. Wata do? You can feed your babies on junk food for one week. They won’t die. On the contrary, they will love it!