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Science has proven that women can smell ambition in an unborn boy. Women have instincts so sharp, they can tell when their house helps are farting on their children’s faces for fun while they are away in the office. But these sharp instincts evidently get clouded in the presence of a tall, dark, handsome dude or a short man with a big fuel guzzler.
I promised to teach women how to identify a man who can potentially break their hearts, abuse and leave them with a child without any feelings whatsoever. Many women wrote asking how to tell such a man, because some look like angels, only to change later.
But a jerk is a jerk. Whether in London or Londiani. I will say from the outset that serving a jerk with sex like your life depends on it, washing his clothes and cooking for him, will not change him an inch. Neither is bearing a son who is a spitting image of the jerk, even as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
Here is how to tell your man is a jerk:
1. He has no straight answer about what he does or where he lives: If he ever uses the word ‘biasharaz’ as his occupation without defining it, he is a con. If he is a broker, sales cars or is in clearing and forwarding business, he will steal from you - unless he works for an organisation whose boss or physical address you know. It would also be wise to have the contacts of the area police chief. Just in case.
2. If he does not treat you as an equal: Unless you want to be a doormat because he provides, don’t entertain this type. You deserve respect, dignity and fairness.
3. If you’ve been dating for ‘a while now,’ looking forward to marriage but he never wants to meet your relatives: Drop him, dear.
4. The constant snooper: He’s been checking your office mail, WhatsApp messages and phone book. He is an insecure man who can give you brain tumour and will stress you to death. A man has to be sure of himself. But please, do not cheat on him.
5. He can’t use rubber, but feeds you e-pills like nuts: One, if you become pregnant, he will relocate to Timbuktu. Two, he is ruining your reproductive health and will be nowhere in future when you are dealing with the consequences.
6. The serial cheater: Forgiving cheaters is what contributes to the spread of diseases, stupidity and irresponsibility. Only forgive if you
7. The name-dropper: Cut him loose. Unless you are a groupie and would love a selfie with Sauti Sol. Male name-droppers are mostly cons or people who suffer from incurable self-esteem issues.
8. If he treats those beneath him like trash: Only politicians should be treated contemptuously.
9. The petty liar: Drop him.
10. No pricey gift: Three months into dating and he thinks you are cheap, and will treat you cheaply.
11. The booty caller: He only calls when he wants sex... when he’s dead drunk. Stay only if you have esteem issues that need validation from a pathological drunkard!
12. If he values his job more than you: Unless you are a president, there isn’t a job on earth that can’t be done in 12 hours to ensure that he’s home for dinner. He is probably cavorting with a sec!
Finally, whatever you do as a woman have some opinion about stuff, an independent mind that can think and execute both minor and complex equations of life. While at it, have standards. And class. These will go a long away in keeping bastards away.
@nyanchwani
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