My husband refuses to eat the food I cook or get intimate

For about a year now, my husband has been distant and cold to me. He started by refusing to eat my food and even stopped making love to me which is very strange of him. Sometime ago, I was shocked to find a condom wrapper in our bedroom and when I asked him, he denied knowing anything to do with it – he had no idea how it got right under our bed. Now I think the housemaid is pregnant although she does not accept it when I ask. Coincidentally, my neighbor once warned that there seemed to be something going on between them but I dismissed her since she is the queen of gossip and knows everything about everyone. However, I now suspect the pregnancy is his and have no idea what to do, more so because I don’t want anyone to know about this. Even if the child belongs to him, I would want her to go home quietly and leave my family in peace. Please tell me what to do. He is really not the man I married. {Elsie}

Your Take:

Elsie, something went wrong somewhere and you need to reflect on this and provide answers. Try and find out where things went wrong between you and your husband. It might be true that they are involved but I advise you to talk to him about this.

If you cannot face him then there are many ways to communicate such as writing a note. Talking may help to square all this before it goes too far. But she has to go because keeping her will only bring more problems.

{Fred Jausenge}

You can ask your maid to leave without necessarily raising heat. However, before you do that, be sure you got the correct information to guide your action. Have you asked yourself whether there could be a problem with you or your man to make him resort to her? Sending her away and employing another one is not a solution. You have to identify the root cause and address it.

{Tasma Charles}

The writing is on the wall and as much as you say your neighbor is a rumor monger, there could be some truth. He has betrayed you and your marriage. Call a spade a spade here and share your thoughts with him. Otherwise, there is a chance that she could easily become your co-wife so act now or else your marriage is doomed.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Why do men get involved with their maids? A man is naturally attracted to any woman who performs wifely duties. You could have transferred the duties to her and consequently she took more than she deserved.

Try and find out where things went wrong and correct that because if you don’t change on what drove him away from you, then the same will still happen with or without your knowledge. Return to the person he married and he will be all yours again.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Counselor’s Take:

There are several things playing out here; one, is that something seems to have drastically changed in your marriage; two, at some point you suspected he was having an affair; three, a third party once warned you about the possibility of an illicit relationship between him and your house help and four, even when confronted with some evidence, you are still not convinced about this.

The fact that you found a condom wrapper in your bedroom should not have provoked many questions but provided concrete indications that something is going on. The question would therefore have been “with whom is this happening”? Now, there is no way a man can in his right mind bring a woman to his home what is under the 24 hour watch of the house help.

There is also another general principle that in every rumor, there is some degree of truth in it. If the gossip queen told you that there are rumors that something is going on – there is definitely some degree of truth in this and this degree sometimes goes up to 100 per cent. The current indications point to the fact that there is an affair and that it more certainly than not between those two.

You are in denial about this and this is what has prevented you from seeing things as they are. Now you are confronted with a potent situation. She may indeed be pregnant with his child. This is a situation that has the potential to change and ruin your marriage from now henceforth. All this depends on how you handle it.

 First, you need to confront him with the facts and hear his side. Remember you have substantial evidence but it is good to hear his side and he may just come around. If he does – any man who can see the possible outcomes would, you need to help him to deal with this in the most suitable manner. A key fact in this situation is that she has to go.

However, the mode of her leaving ought to be carefully thought out to ensure that she does not come back to revenge thereby making an already bad situation even worse. If he could get her to go home first, you can think of the many ways to handle the situation from there. What is clear here is that the situation cannot be dealt with both of them leaving in your house and under your watch. {Taurus}