Should I change the surname on my ID to his?

I recently got married to the love of my life after two years of dating but I am caught up in making a major decision. My husband wants me to include his name as one of my official names more so in my ID and any subsequent major documents I will get from now which include my university degree that I am due to get in August.

However, many people have been discouraging this practice because these days marriages don’t last and therefore they don’t want to be tied down to the man if things don’t work out. Also, I don’t want to lose my father’s name after all he has done to make me who I am today.

With the current changing times and with what marriage has become, should I take such a great risk with my life and include his name in documents that I will always use for the rest of my life? {Lorna}

Your take

After you get married, you have the option to take your spouse’s last name. You do not have to formally change your last name. This option makes it easier to go back to your former name if you need to because it does not change your birth certificate. You can also combine both of your last names into a hyphenated last. There is no big deal in your worries unless you were not certain about your marriage.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

The situation you are in is so challenging. My advice is that you should not succumb to your husband’s pressure. He seems to have some sinister motives and that is why he is not bothering to explain things to you. Remember this may bring you problems in future. It would have been right for the two of you to talk over it and weigh the pros and cons before deciding on what to do. Please open up for dialogue and let him know your side of story.

{Andera Ngota}

Lorna, you talk about marrying the love of your life but you seem not to know what you want from your marriage. It seems you are planning to leave the marriage at some point. The opinions of many people may not help you, it is you to decide whether this is something you really want. He may be asking you to change your name for the better. Consult with him to know why he is asking you to change then make a decision from there.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You should not have married a man that you were in doubt of. You better make him know you are unwilling to change your name with the reasons and see what his reactions are. Remember marriage may also mean sacrifices, the name being one of them. He may also not be the love of your life after all!

{Tasma Charles}

It seems you are either not happily married or are not certain about your marriage. Once you make the decision, marry someone you marry for the better or the worse. Why do you want to deny him that chance to be proud that his wife is a graduate? Let his name be there on all your documents and know that in the event of anything, it can always be changed using court papers.

{Onyango Outha}

Counsellor’s take

Lorna, this is a personal issue and people are free to choose and make decisions about this. However, there are several facts about this situation you ought to consider; one, you are now married. Two, your correct reference should be Mrs. Lorna (Second Name) (Husbands Name).

Three, It is not appropriate to continue refereeing to yourself as Mrs. (fathers name) no matter how much to want to keep your father’s name and not adopt your husband’s name, and four, you seem to be making a decision based on fears that you are harbouring within.

You seem to be certain that your marriage is not going to last and this is based on what you are seeing or hearing about marriage from others. I am sure that most of those people who are advising you on this issue are either not married or are from failed marriages. They have nothing positive to say about marriage and only foresee failure.

This is a dangerous group of people to seek advice from and they are bound to land you into a lot of trouble sooner rather than later and I encourage you to distance yourself from them at the earliest opportunity.

Marriage works! Your marriage can work. However, it is certainly not going to work if you continue with such a pessimistic mindset. Try a more optimistic approach and channel positive energy and your marriage will work.

The success of a marriage is essentially dependent on the desire and effort of the people involved and not on the opinions of others. When you get married, it is important to do the things that are expected of a married person.

You may not have to include your husband’s name in your academic documents but it is important for you to include it at least in your main identification document i.e. your ID. It is every mans pride for his wife to be called by his name and resisting this will only be a source of conflict in your home.

{Taurus}