Do not blame the mistress, blame your man for cheating on you

We can all visualise the image of the other woman. She is cold-hearted and conniving, with no qualms or conscience about jumping into bed with men who are in relationships. She slept with your man because she is opportunistic, loose, desperate and easy.

She feels all high and mighty with her short skirts and high heels. She lured your man in with her seductive wiles with total disregard of his marital or family status. The very thought of her makes you foam at the mouth and given a chance, you would rip her apart. She broke you up. She is a homewrecker! That is what we imagine of the other woman. She is a vile creature who needs to be slut-shamed and loathed with every bone in our bodies.

If you have ever been cheated on, the topic of the other woman will most likely strike a raw nerve. We love to hate her; and rightly so. But before you call her a slut on Facebook, you might want to take a moment to think about the main reason why she slept with your man: The number one reason why she slept with your man is because he consented. In many cases, women go ballistic at one another when they should actually be getting mad at the philandering man.

The other woman is really not the issue because if  she was not the one, it most definitely would have been someone else. Your partner was looking for an affair, not looking for her in particular. She happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Sure, it is easy to think that women who target men in relationships are not very nice people, but believe it or not, being ‘the other woman’ isn’t exactly a holy achievement. More often than not, she is as much a victim in the situation as you.

Even if she knew you existed, she was not out to hurt you. Do not automatically assume that she thrives on that horrible relationship-ruining feeling. If you don’t know this woman, you have no idea whether she’s a bad person.

Unless she had a personal vendetta against you and sleeping with your partner proved to be the perfect way to settle scores, she really did not want to hurt you. It is not her fault that you had problems in your relationship that made your man stray. Forgiving her, whether or not you really interact with her, will help you put your mind on what is really important: how you should deal with that difficult situation. There is a lot more to cheating than a ‘loose’ woman who throws herself at a committed guy. Stop condemning and demonising her, and look at what you and your partner can do to repair the relationship, if it can still be salvaged. She is not what drove your man to cheat. She did not force his hand. And quite frankly, in the grand scheme of things, she did you a favour. She prevented you from ending up with a lying scumbag. Think about it.

@RoxanneKenya www.facebook.com/RoxanneKe [email protected]