I feel bad that I have led a man of God astray

I am 34 years, based in Nairobi and in love with a priest who has taken the oath of celibacy. This relationship has been on for a year and only seems to get worse each day. I love this man so much but sometimes I feel as if I am making a big mistake against God and the church. The problem is that he will not let me go because he loves me too much and says he is considering leaving the church to be with me. I don’t think this is the right thing for him because if he chooses to marry me, he will be ex-communicated from the church and I cannot support him financially. Every time I ask him to let me go, he seduces me and convinces me that it will work out somehow. I really don’t know what to do. I want to be happy in this life and one that is free of guilt and resentment. Please advise me. {Rhoda}

Your Take:

Rhoda, something is definitely wrong with that relationship. Quit at the earliest opportunity and take some time to reflect on your life. Do not wait for him to set you free. You will find a man who will be without issues and who will truly love you.

{Zachy Jarapogi, Migori}

First ask for God’s forgiveness. Remember he took a vow of celibacy during his ordination. Stay away from him before God curses both of you. He may be sharing the offering from the congregants with you to keep you around.

{Joseph Kiilu, Machakos}

Rhoda, love drives us to do crazy things. Priests in some churches are compelled to celibacy. I would not say it is right or wrong for him to leave the church for you, but you must listen to your heart. Think about what is best for you.

{Calvin Queens}

This will only be good for you if he comes out and declares that he is going to marry you. The only major consequence is being ex-communicated, which does not mean the end of the world. Feel free and marry the man you love.

{John Musuku}

A priest is human and, therefore, has needs and feelings. However, priesthood requires that he sacrifices everything to serve the church. Do not come between him and his calling. You may not live with the guilt and resentment that comes with him leaving the church for you.

{GM-Nakuru}

What goes round most likely will come around. You know where all this will end, so make the necessary arrangements to leave this man. He is not ready to leave the church otherwise, he would have done this a long time ago.

{Lydia Nzomo}

Counselor’s Take:

Rhoda, you fell prey to a menace that is becoming increasingly common with the so-called “men of God”. This problem is not specific to that church and is a common occurrence in many other denominations.

You see, women have an underlying reverence for priests which in many instances leads them to seek spiritual guidance and counsel on sensitive issues such as family and relationships, sex, marriage, work among others.

The teachings of religion identify with certain values that augur well with social desires and prevent a safe haven for some of the dreaded fears of women.

This unending thirst for spiritual nourishment often gets them seeking the counsel of priests every so often and in many instances on highly personal matters such as sex and marriage.

 As a matter of fact there are many good spiritual leaders but in the present day, there are just as many rogue ones as there are good ones – of not more. The rogue ones take advantage of the often tormented, torn apart, depressed and vulnerable women and they lure them into sexual activity.

Initially it is just sex but over time the woman becomes increasingly attached to the man but for the rogue priest, it is all about sexual gratification.

The truth is that he may be doing this with many other women. All those promises are just things he says out of his teeth to keep the women he is taking advantage of sexually close to him and you are one of them.

He is not in love with you, he is only interested in sex. You need to start counting your losses and leave that man alone. Why live on empty promises? Dare him to leave the Church if he truly intends on being with you or even say you will start talking about the relationship to your friends. He will run like a little boy!

My advice is that you leave this relationship before it gets even more difficult for you. Such a man would not even be good for a relationship as he has no experience. Marriage requires people with certain mindsets and experience which he lacks.

If he is already doing this under oath, what will happen when he is set free? You have no idea what he could do to make up for lost time. Change churches, cut out all communication with him and focus on getting a new life for yourself and you will. You will find what you are looking for. {Taurus}