My life is full of setbacks

Hi Chris,

There always seems to be a lot going wrong in my life. Endless irritations and setbacks. Is there any way I can get ahead of all this?

Too Many Difficulties

Chris says,

Hi Too Many Difficulties

Setbacks are inevitable. So the right approach is to expect trouble, prepare for problems, and figure out how to cope with adversity. Because life’s rarely ever fair. So becoming better at bouncing back from difficulties boils down to improving your emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience is partly inherited - you can see it in even the tiniest children. And it develops as you grow up. But it’s never too late to become more resilient, even if you are naturally sensitive to life’s problems. Because it’s not some sort of innate talent, it’s a set of skills you can work on.

So develop the belief that you are in control of your own life. Because you are! Okay, you can’t control world events, but you can choose how you respond to them, and that makes all the difference.

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Learn to be more optimistic. That is not just seeing the bright side of things, it’s believing in your abilities and not talking yourself down or focusing on your flaws. Seeing crises as challenges rather than impossible problems. Becoming more action-oriented, and never giving up.

Surround yourself with resilient friends. Work on your sense of humour, and learn from your mistakes. Find meaning in life’s challenges rather than seeing yourself as a victim.

Learn to consider all the possibilities in a situation. Develop good problem-solving techniques and resist the urge to blame others. Listen to others with an open mind in case you are missing something.

Get enough sleep and simplify your lifestyle. Follow your usual routine even when you’re stressed and get the ordinary tasks of the day done. Do something that you enjoy or are good at.

Resilience is a skill that needs to be learned and practised until it’s part of who you are. Build that skill, and life will go well.

All the best,

Chris