Where have all the good men gone?

Hi Chris,

Where have all the good men gone? I'm just over 30 and beginning to think about getting married, but so far every boyfriend I've ever had either mistreats me or just won't commit to a serious relationship.

So what's going wrong? Am I just not dating the right men? Or maybe there's something I'm not doing right? How do I find a guy who also wants to get married?

Too Many Bad Boyfriends

Chris says,

Hi, Too Many Bad Boyfriends!

Well, to start with, you have to have the right attitude! Women who have successful relationships settle for nothing less. So demand fidelity and commitment from the get go. And don't waste time in dead-end relationships. The moment you begin to wonder, it's time to leave.

You should also know about how men approach commitment.

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As for single men, there's a 'window of opportunity' when they're most likely to commit. It starts two or three years after they've finished their education, and become established in their career.

Still single after 35? They're probably confirmed bachelors who like their independence too much. So you should only date men who're in the optimum age range.

You should also know about the different ways men think about women. Some genuinely want a wife and to be faithful to her. But there are others who see women as trophies to be used and discarded. Any sign you're with one of those, move on fast.

That's not to say that all men can be categorised that easily. Some are just slow to get going, maybe because they lack social skills for example. But don't go for men who're still living with their parents.

And check out whether your new guy's friends are married. That increases the chances he'll take you seriously. And it goes without saying that you should never go out with married men, no matter what they promise!

Get the idea? Just because you want to get married doesn't mean that the guys you meet feel the same way. So you have to quickly decide whether the guy you've just met fits into one of the high risk 'no commitment' categories. If he does, don't waste your time on him!

But what if he looks like a good bet? Then get to know him really well. Take about a year or so, and then if you're really happy together, make sure he knows what you want.

You'd be amazed how many couples don't get married, just because the guy doesn't know that's what she wants. Men rarely ask a girl to marry them unless they've been pushed!

All the best,

Chris