I survived alcoholism, now I want to help others: The story of 34-year-old Linda Meitex

Linda Meitekene (Meitex) Ouko, a bubbly and confident 34-year-old narrates how alcoholism nearly robbed her of her life, her future and the support of family and friends. She speaks about the journey towards her sobriety

I woke up shivering, shaking, sweating and scratching myself. I was thoroughly confused and in need of a drink. It had been a day since my last drink. I asked where I was and I was told that I had reached Asumbi Treatment Centre in Homa Bay. How did I get here? I asked myself.

The last thing I remembered was being in bed at Mariakani Cottage Hospital after having one too many, as usual. My cousin had tricked me to submit to going to the hospital. She had been urging me to do so for weeks after she noticed I had a lousy cough.

I finally agreed and it turned out that it wasn’t just my chest that needed treatment. The doctor informed me that my drinking had also taken a toll on my liver. Unwillingly, I spent a day at the hospital and, on the second night, I was ferried to Asumbi by my paternal uncle and aunt after I was sedated. Throughout the journey, I was talking to imaginary people — perhaps hallucinating.

Just when I realised I didn’t have my phone, my uncle walked into the room and gave it to me. My dad was on the line. He tried to calm me down and assure me that I was there for my own good. ‘Why have you brought me here? Who will take care of my business? What about my son?’ I bombarded my dad with so many questions. My dad assured me that everything had already been taken care of. All I had to do was concentrate on getting better. I was here to get over my alcohol addiction.

It was hard to get by during the first days of rehabilitation at Asumbi. The withdrawal symptoms, in particular, made me feel like I was going mad. I craved for a smoke but it was forbidden at the centre because it was one of the main triggers of my alcohol addiction. The fact that I didn’t have a phone (it was taken away again) made me feel abandoned. I started being arrogant and rebellious. I resisted the system and the change it represented.

However, after some time, I gradually started accepting the change. By the second month, the withdrawal symptoms had subsided completely and I was now enjoying the rehab sessions.

At Asumbi, it is former alcoholics who counsel you. For the first time, I started feeling like someone understood me. It’s so easy to talk to someone who is also suffering from alcoholism because you know that they will not judge you.

I started drinking in my third year of high school. My mother transferred me to another school, and I wanted to fit in and become popular in the boarding school. I had identified the most popular group and most of them were habitual drinkers. To fit in, I started copying what they were doing. This worked and I was accepted in their group.

The drinking continued and although my teachers complained, I managed to smooth things over because I was performing well in school. However, there was a period when the peer pressure was too much and I started performing dismally.

Eventually, I was suspended because of my activities with the group. After this episode, my mum thoroughly lectured me but I still couldn’t open up about the peer pressure. When I completed high school, I was invited to participate in a cultural exchange programme. I was to travel abroad with some of her schoolmates for this adventure. My parents ensured that everything was ready for me to leave the country, and as the day approached, I was overjoyed at the prospect.

When I got there, my host family was very accommodating. The host families decided to hold a cultural night and there was a party for us. There were all types of drinks but my friends and I spotted punch and we wanted to taste it.

Being naïve, my friends and I didn’t know that the alcohol percentage of the punch was much higher than what they were used to back in Kenya. We drank ourselves to a stupor and we all blacked out and ended up in a strange place. Just as we were trying to wake up, the cultural exchange board swiftly caught up with us. We were just told that we were going somewhere and we had to leave immediately. We ended up at the airport. Our luggage was brought to us and we were told that we had to board the plane back home.

I felt so ashamed and wondered how I would face my family. I knew I wouldn’t find my father at home because he had moved abroad but I knew he would be very disappointed because he was the one who had taken care of the financial aspect of the journey. Before the trip, he was very excited that his first-born daughter would be the first to visit him in his adopted country, I wondered how he would react now.

By the time I got to Kenya, everyone in my extended family already knew what I had done. My immediate family, led by my mom, had moved to Nakuru after my dad left. Even though I drank occasionally, I was a faithful church member and everyone in my congregation knew I had traveled abroad.

Solid excuse

When I came back, I just locked myself in my room because of the shame that I felt. I needed someone to talk to, but I felt that no one would understand me so I decided to end my misery. I took rat poison. It didn’t work because my mom came right on time and took me to hospital.

When I regained consciousness, I found that my mum was even angrier with me. My dad was angry but he paid for a computer course. But that only gave me a solid excuse to get out of the house and I took to the bottle once more.

I would go to school and then spend the rest of time drinking in town. When I got home, I would excuse myself and go to my room directly. My mum would offer me food but I would just tell her I was full. In reality, I was just drunk.

I just bottled things up. I felt unloved — like no one wanted me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to when I was feeling low. I mostly felt ashamed because of disappointing my family on so many issues.

If I had known that this habit would eventually ruin my future, I would never have tried alcohol. Unknown to me, my mum had already found out about pattern and by the time she was flying out to join my dad, she knew that I had a serious problem. She talked to one of my maternal aunts who was living in Nairobi and she agreed to host me and one of my two brothers who also remained in the country.

Blame games

By then, I had become a habitual drinker and I would look for any excuse just to get out of the house. Eventually, my aunt got fed up with my tendencies and everyone in the family insinuated that I was also leading my brother towards the drinking path.

When they talked to my dad about it, I was really manipulative and I convinced my dad that it was them who had a problem with me. I would do something wrong and blame the other party. I always told convincing lies off the top of my mind and I would manipulate people into doing what I wanted.

My dad agreed to let me live in Rongai with a cousin as I pursued another course on Lang’ata Road. That was when I fully launched my affair with the bottle. I was not accountable to anyone. I would party hard and drink the night away though I still managed to attend my classes. My education was something I treasured and I would even go to class nursing a serious hangover.

However, my drinking trend took me towards a downhill spiral where I made enemies of my family and friends.

Even when I got pregnant, I couldn’t let the bottle go. I now know that I was lucky to give birth to a healthy son. I also did a lot of horrible things to my son, especially when I was drunk and I’m not so happy about them.

Today, I have made amends with my son and he understands that addiction is a disease and that I am better now. I was extremely happy when my 7-year-old son told me that he loves me and he forgives me for everything I did.

There was a time that I hated myself so much. I tried to commit suicide on numerous occasions but I was always unsuccessful. These attempts just caused my mum immense pain.

Despite the horrible things that I put her entire family through, most of them have forgiven me. Majority of them were not even talking to me by the time I went to rehab because of the turmoil that I put them through.

At some point, my mum was terribly ill. She couldn’t eat, sleep or function and she even lost her job just because of me. Despite this, she was the only one who still managed to tell me she loved me and she would stand by me.

After undergoing counseling I found out that manipulation, self-pity, and lies are part of the hallmarks of an alcoholic. I regret all these traits in myself and I have since learned to be honest and forthright about issues. I made amends with all the people she wronged as one of the 12 steps for my recovery.

Finding victory

After 3 months at Asumbi, I walked out a sober woman. However, I wanted to continue with After Care, which is among the levels of recovery and this shocked even my group mates in the rehabilitation centre.

Despite having a Degree in Tourism and Business Management, I enrolled at Asumbi’s Kentmere Centre in Tigoni for an addiction counseling course. I wanted to understand addiction more so that I can help other people.

As a motivational speaker, I have had the opportunity to speak to students at Asumbi Girls and State House Girls and I plan to reach out to more people. In September, I hope to enroll for a Masters in Counseling and Psychology at the University of Nairobi.

For now, positivity is my shield and I will take each day at a time. I’m forever grateful to everyone who assisted me in my recovery and I greatly attribute my soberness to my mum.