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I stumbled upon an article this week about a certain Kisumu lawyer who got thrown into the coolers for calling a female lawyer ‘my dear.”
The said lawyer refused to heed the judge’s request that he apologises for his over familiarity and sexist comment. You will have those who think that the judge went overboard in his decision, but I think the judge did the right thing...
The inappropriate use of the words ‘my dear’ speaks a broader social malaise that afflicts Kenyans — the problem of over familiarity, inappropriateness and failure to respect boundaries. This problem manifests itself in many ways and it is time we tried to change some of our annoying social manners.
Let us start with this whole ‘dear business’. Last time I checked the word ‘dear’ is an affectionate term, ideally supposed to be used on or with persons with whom one shares some level of affection and familiarity. Not so in Kenya, where you have blokes calling you ‘my dear’ even when they have no clue on important details like your second name or even where you live. Some misguided men and women imagine that using the word ‘my dear’ makes them the ultimate lotharios or seductresses.
Some other ill-mannered persons like to deploy what they consider to be a better word with impunity— sweetheart. In my book, the word sweetheart is the crème de la crème in endearment vocabulary and therefore should only be used with those with who one shares important things like DNA and body fluids. Sharing office space, or sharing occasional supplies of oxygen is no reason for one to throw around the word sweetheart.
A special place in hell should be reserved to those boys and girls who do nothing but call everyone they meet ‘my dear’ and sweetheart (and in some cases sweetie). This is the height of taking liberties and of bad manners and should be avoided at all costs.
Kenyans excel in the art of failing to respect boundaries especially when it comes to electronics. Inviting people over to your house is as good as asking for a takeover of the TV remote. Kenyan guests usually make a mad dash for the remote and proceed to select their preferred choice of TV viewing often ignoring the desires of the true inhabitants of the house.
Kenyan men are particularly notorious for this habit as they forcibly swap cartoon series for whatever F1 race or Premier League match is on for the day. These ill-mannered persons will overlook the innocent cries from babies who only thrive on a staple diet of Cartoon Network and are mysteriously impervious to the harsh glares of women determined to catch the latest episode of their favourite soap opera.
These bad manners also manifest themselves in those annoying persons who once granted a lift in a car, take serious liberties with changing radio stations or making unsolicited comments regarding everything from the size of the potholes to the state of the economy. These people need to understand that once you accept an offer for free transport or hospitality, you lose the right to watch or listen to what your heart faces. Even if your host or hostess keeps telling you to feel at home, hogging the TV remote and changing the car stereo is just bad manners.
When the book on mobile phones is written, Kenyans will be allocated a few chapters for the peculiar way in which they have embraced cellphone communication. Kenyans are in so deep in the world of mobile phones that they have created a whole category of bad mobile phone manners. You have a legion of folks who do not understand that mobile phones are private goods to be respected.
Lend this type of guys the phone for short time use and before long they have siphoned your bonga points and airtime while finding a way of entertaining themselves by scrolling through your gallery of WhatsApp messages and gallery of pictures.
As if this is not bad enough, we Kenyans have given our own flavour to Whatsapp where we like to share forwards, images, rumours, propaganda without any regard for the possible impact on the recipients. Our social media etiquette often sucks— we like to send Facebook Friend requests to people we hardly know because we imagine the number of likes translates to popularity.
We like to bully and harass people on Twitter because we somehow lack the guts for face-to-face confrontations. I believe many Kenyans are well-meaning and well-mannered but I am convinced that very soon the ‘my dear’ remote hogging, mobile invaders people will become the vast majority.
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