She dumped me after she found out she was pregnant

The topic:

My girlfriend and I are both 27 and we grew up in the same neighbourhood. We met recently after about 10 years of being apart and started a relationship. We agreed that we would always have safe sex even though we both seemed to want a child. However, about a month ago this did not go very well and she went cold on me for about a month having travelled upcountry. She came back and broke up with me, the reason being that I made her pregnant. She claims I have ruined her future and does not want anything to do with me. She says she will keep the baby but does not need me in her life. I understand her pain but I don't know how to handle this. What am I supposed to do?

{Eric}

What the readers say:

It is possible that she just wanted a child and she got exactly that. She is now probably only acting as if she is offended to avoid possible legal battles over the child. She's gone and what remains is what you want out of it. Let her go with the child, repackage and move on. Be careful about this matter because you also don't know what she has been up to the last 10 years.

{Tasma Saka}

How sure are you after ten years that this lady had only you as her boyfriend? To me, you may be or may not be the father to that unborn child. Insist on a DNA test or wait till the baby is delivered for you to decide on the next course of action. You may be one among her many boyfriends. I also hope you went for a HIV test before engaging in unprotected sex with her.

{Onyango Outha}

Eric, there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye. You are being played. She was dating someone else the same time she was with you and it is no wonder that she conceived. She went cold on you because she knew you would demand the truth. Put this truth out to her and remain cool. You will get another faithful lady. Life is good and rewarding for those who are patient.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Simon's says:

Eric, I think things are happening a little too fast for you here and we need to reflect on the facts. One, you met her last month after a decade and agreed to start a relationship; two, "apparently", you made her pregnant; three, she does not want anything to do with you but wants to keep the baby. Even without looking any further, you are being taken for a ride here. In just a month, she is already pregnant? It is either she was testing from the day you engaged with her or she was already pregnant by the time you met her.

Remember she was eager to have children? If you ever meet a woman who talks about children on the first date, run my brother, run for dear life. My thinking is that she is in another relationship which for one reason or the other may not have been going very well. By discussing babies and letting you indulge yourself, she was looking for insurance just in case the other guy jumped ship. This last one month she "claims" she was upcountry; she was with her main man sorting things out. Now that they have ironed out their issues, she wants nothing to do with you. And this is not because you got her pregnant but because she no longer needs insurance. Remember, it takes two to make a baby so even if that was the case, she is as much to blame for this as you are.

Finally, it is in your best interest to engage in protected sex especially until you really get to know the other person. There are many risks out there and the effects of unprotected sex far outweigh the perceived benefits. Also always look out for some key words whenever you meet a woman. If she mentions children, marriage, meeting your mother, you meeting her parents' e.t.c in the first month of dating, it is about time to leave. Tread carefully and do not be in a hurry to choose a wife. Get to know them first because the choice you make is stuck with you for a very long time. Choose someone you somehow understand and can live with.

{Simon}

Boke Says

Sorry for what you are going through in your relationship.

You said that you both seem to want to have a baby which has happened but your girlfriend is deeply offended. We take it for granted that you have no doubts about the baby being yours.

Could it be that this was your own assumption? Did both of you actually talk about the baby in regard to the time you would have wanted to have one?

Women naturally warm up to babies, they appear to be adoring their little nephews and nieces, their friends' babies and even to strangers' babies in public places. This starts very early in life, remember how little girls love their dolls?

This does not mean they want to have a baby.

But if you did discuss the issue, it is likely that the timing is the problem, taking into consideration that you have just met recently. It is likely that your relationship has not attained the stability she needed to feel comfortable about having a baby now.

She could be struggling to accept and adjust to this new reality. Let's hope that the upcountry visit plays no role in the sudden change. Give her time, she will come by. Until that happens remain supportive and let her be assured of your support.

If there is no change, there could more to it than you have stated. Otherwise people in love like you are should be working towards taking their relationship to the next level.