10 freshly minted Kenyan ‘proverbs’

A proverb is a simple and concrete saying, popularly known and repeated, that expresses a truth based on common sense or the practical experience of humanity.

Derived from the Latin word, proverbium, proverbs have over the years been used to enrich messages, enliven speeches and are often metaphorical in nature.

Kenyans on social media also decided to poke fun at our culture, by taking the most used Kenyan phrases, and packaging them as proverbs. Here are some 10 freshly-minted proverbs:

1. I was just about to call you

This is usually the first thing a person you have been trying to reach for hours will tell you when they finally pick their phone. Over 90 per cent of the time, it’s a lie even if it’s the local pastor.

2. Kuna M-Pesa nangoja nitakusort This proverb is used by those who owe you money since the last general elections. When you call, he or she will never tell at exactly what time or date your debt will be paid, but they will always ask you to be patient as they are waiting for that fictitious M-Pesa.

3. Niko kwa traffic jam With Nairobi’s unpredictable traffic gridlocks, the best excuse for anyone running late is that he or she is held up on Thika Road. Never mind when you call and it’s a woman, there is that sound of a baby wailing in the background.

4. Nimewacha pombe This is a phrase mostly uttered by men suffering from serious hangover. After a night out mixing drinks, in the morning, intense headaches coupled by spells of violent vomiting, when ‘laying in state,’ a man will claim to have quit alcohol.

5. Why pay a lawyer when you can buy the judge Sadly, Kenyans believe one needs money to get justice, which was driven home when William Kabogo, the Kiambu Governor who said: “Mimi nina pesa ya kujitetea nikipelekwa kotini.”

6. Hio pesa nimetuma wrong number ni ya mgonjwa

Anybody who sends money to a wrong number through M-Pesa will always claim the money was meant for paying bills for a sick relative in the ICU.

7. Kichwa tu! God-fearing Kenyan women are familiar with this self-explanatory, but white lie proverb that has resulted in most being put in the family way.

8. Tuma na ya kutoa The M-Pesa innovation has not only changed lives, but also gave birth to the phrase, “Tuma ya kutoa.”

9. I’m rolling

Team Mafisi hate this phrase with a passion. After booking for a hotel in Naivasha, and consumption of copious amounts of ‘panty remover’ drinks, a chick will deliver the dreaded, “I am rolling” line to a man who expected a happy ending.

10. Niko biz

This is the reply you will get whenever you ask a jobless guy what he does for a living. He will say he supplies timber to Narok and Kajiado counties and the reason he is broke is because he hasn’t been paid for three months. “Hawa wasee wa county wananimess jo!” he will claim.