Wandering in the depth of the night

It is 11:45pm on a Monday evening, sssshhhh! Can you hear that?

The silence is deafening and the clock won’t stop ticking. I am wide awake and I do not know why. Well, apart from my mind’s constant thoughts of grabbing something to bite, I am staring right into my computers screen. I have access to unlimited internet but I have run out of things to Google.

Who gets this blank minded anyway? Maybe, this is that point when you should be throwing the ‘get a life!’ words at me. And yes, I have a life, many lives than a cat by the way. Well, a part of me wants to get this beauty sleep I hear everyone blubbing about but a part of me tells me not yet.

I would not want to blame this entire mystery on insomnia because then again, I have been sleeping the whole (okay, almost) the whole day-That is what you do when you are tired of drinking the lemonades from life’s given lemons.

That is a story for another day but the bottom line is; sometimes you toast, sometimes you pass.

As a matter of fact, I still do not know why I am writing this because right now, I have so many things going on in my mind. It is questionable why someone in their twenties would have so much going on especially at this hour when they could be dancing themselves crazy in some night club. Sincerely, I do not have a perfect answer to that and I will tell you for sure that you are better off on the darker side because some things, once you know them, you may wish to bet your life to un know them but the thought alone, is impossible.

As I continue to write, there are drops of rain on the roof, slowly and then rapidly and then slowly again. Naturally, it should be melody to my soul or can I say a sweet soothing lullaby? The virtual remote control in my mind wants so badly to switch my thoughts into something else. A thought crosses my mind that there is a small girl in the streets who needs this bed I am sitting on to keep herself warm. It crosses my mind that she may not have had any meal for the better part of the day and as she lays on the corner of some shop’s verandah to catch some sleep, she can’t help but get herself soaked not from her piss but from the heavy downpour. It is devastating.

I did not see this coming but now I am in deeper thought. The question that constantly resonates on my mind is; why do we take the most basic and simple things we have in life for granted? Like now, I have a roof over my head, I took all three meals during the day and I have the hands to type what I feel right now and the eyes to skim through my computer’s screen to follow through. Why I am not happy? Or better still, why can’t I be in bed?That I cannot get people to like me for who I am, does that make me worse than this girl? That a part of me has become fatter overnight (that’s what we say), is it worth sulking for the rest of my life? That people won’t appreciate the little gestures you express to them, does the world have to come to an end?

I have come to learn that in as much as life is not fair (which is sensible because can you imagine how it would be if it were), it is a matter of choice whether you live happily or whether you drown in melancholy. Whether you consider it fair or unfair entirely depends on what you want to make of it. Learn to make the best even out of the worst situations, like that woman who has a passion in art but her lack of hands will not kill her dreams. Just know that sometimes what is abnormal to you may be the normal someone somewhere is craving for.

In the end, people will come and go, people will love and hate, people will laugh and cry, people will make and break but what really sticks out is the gentle touch you give to someone’s soul when they most need it. Don’t stop because they don’t want you to…Stop when they don’t need you to.

Actually, I am seriously feeling hungry now. I guess I will have to go now.

photo:www.african-sweetheart.com