Six ways to NOT lose yourself in a relationship

Have you ever walked into a relationship as yourself and walked out of it as someone else? Relationships always have a major way of changing people. Looking back, my past relationships changed me a lot. Some, actually most of them left me bitter, lost, heartbroken, in tears and to top it all, my esteem was brought down to nothing.

Surprisingly, I never gave up on the search. Thinking of it, I must say it took God's grace for me not to hate men. On the other hand, I always believe that everything happens for a reason. If I had not gone through all that, in all likelihood, I would not have a story to tell and a lesson to teach.

One thing that contributed to my endless journey in this pit of misery was the fact that I let go of certain things that I was not supposed to. I can attribute this to naivety, ignorance, gullibility or blindness; love is blind, right?

Presently, I realized that not losing the following while dating is actually healthy for you and in the long run, it will stabilize your relationship.

1. Your voice

There is nothing as tragic as being blind and mum in a relationship. When love blinds you, the only thing that can steer you in your relationship is your voice. Never go quiet. Say when it hurts, speak up when you have an opinion and talk through the arguments. There is nothing wrong with speaking up. The day you lose this is the day you lose yourself; and once you lose yourself, you will be holding on to a relationship you never bargained for.

2. Your principles and values

Sadly, this is one of things I lost and it really hurt me a lot. You do not have to adulterate what you believe in or live by. Hold on to it with your dear life so long as it makes you a better person. It is not obligatory for you to have sex, you do not have to give up when you hit the wall, it is not a prerequisite for you to be an alcoholic; and it is not mandatory for you hang out with people you do not approve of. The principles and values that you have exist for a reason. You may not know it now but you may need them later in life. From a person who lost some, best believe that recovering them is as hard as going to church after you have backslid. Everything about you is vital, be you.

3. Your family

You may hate them, put them on a pedestal, fear them or think low of them, but your nuclear family are the only real people you have. Do not back out on them once you get heaven for a relationship. In fact, stick close to them and let them interact with your partner. That way, since you are blindly in love, they will see what you cannot see. Never distance yourself from them because it is never worth it. Trust me, your family will always have your back and you can never get that easily from anyone.

4. Your dream

If you have a dream or a vision for yourself, never lose it. As your partner is busy achieving his or her goals, who are you to forget yours? Being in a relationship is not an excuse for you not empowering yourself, focusing on self development or making your dream come true. Stay focused, stick to your plan and day in, day out, work towards achieving your goals. To the ladies, ensure you have done most of this before getting babies because once you do; you will have to give them all your time and attention.

5. Your money

Read that again. Yes, it is your money. Be prudent with the way you handle your finances. You have the right to determine how it is spent or not spent. Once you lose this power, you might lose a lot of money that you should have spent on other important things.

6. Your will to survive

Sometimes the arguments, struggles and issues arising from relationships can cast you down. The most appalling thing you can ever do is to lose the will to get through; and let such situations wring out your will to survive or take on challenges. You have to pull through every situation that makes you uncomfortable because that is what will make you strong.

There are so many things I wish I had not lost in my relationship but I did and life has to move on. Moving on, I have become wiser and smarter. If this advice can change your life and make it better, go ahead and implement it. To the ladies, you win some and you lose some. Every break up that you have had to deal with serves as a lesson to you, your friends and even your children. Pick yourself up, hold on to the lesson and work towards becoming a better you.