Ten things women do in bed that men hate

Often, the subtle sex has been given preference on what they like or do not like when it comes to maters of the sheets and forgotten or thrown under the carpet are the dislikes of men too. There is no such thing as bad sex neither does one require an MA in Kamasutra as a prerequisite to enjoy it and since it takes to do the deed and men have heard what women hate, how about women also get a glimpse of what fellas detest under the sheets.

Make no mistake, good sex can keep a man.

Being Lazy

This in a man’s parlance is akin to crime against humanity and one which calls for punitive measures. Granted, different women have different skills and ratings might differ but it is offensive and downright annoying when you just lay there like a log whimpering like an Anaconda that has just swallowed a cow and do nothing.

Okay, so what if you cannot sit on it like some red street blonde but at least use your hands and other parts of your body to participate. Love making is an art and it involves two to tango.

Men love it when a woman can initiate sex and be in control sometimes, a freak in the sheets, someone that makes them feel macho not a inferior, lazy bum woman who want everything done for her.

Too loud

It is a cinch that every good movie has a dope soundtrack but not when the darn soundtrack sounds like an overdone opera.

Yes, a little moaning and groaning and a cry out here and there makes him feel macho and works like fuel on fire that keeps it ablaze but do not overdo it.

Men cannot stand it when you scream like a maniac, it is not sexy or cool, it is freaking embarrassing, annoying and scary.

Out of touch with basic hygiene

Many women score below par on this one and it might be the reason he has not touched you or he cheats.

Do not sleep next to your man without taking a shower! The sweat and body odour that is not a very pleasant smell  and makes for a tummy wrenching combination. Brush your teeth because he might want to come in for a kiss.

Hair on the armpit is a turn off, a major one but on the down low, it depends on the guy; some like it thick like mahogany on a mountain, some a little while others just want it bald.

Either way, it will do your relationship a lot of good when you observe basic hygiene before bed like a shower and fresh breath.

Cry out another dude’s name

Another crime, absolutely humiliating and no man can stomach this. If you know you have a few brothers at the palm of or hands dear sister, that s your problem; but if you must call out a name during romp, let it be the sweet nothings like “baby, darling, my love,’ the list is endless.

Some men are so lousy in bed that for a woman to get turned on, she must think of her ex, Omari Hardwick of the series “Power”, or some damn hot dude. It is allowed if you can stop yourself from calling out their name in the midst of assuming it’s your crush and not your man humping you.

Simply posited, do not go yelling “Oh Ken” when his name is Pius. If you must yell a name then let it be biblical like John so that when he starts asking who the hell is John just add chapter 5 versus 18 and yu are good to go.

Wear uninspiring night wear

Ever heard that men are visual beings? When they say we evolved from animals, the male species did not evolve much so it is what it is.

When you wear a woolen sweater, thick cotton pajamas, a huge headgear, socks and gloves to bed really what do you expect?

Men have countless number of times complained about the horrible apparels women wear to bed, cut the military combat, you are going to make love, not war.

Bring up issues during the act

You know how the saying goes; that a man is most vulnerable and weak in moments of pleasure but girl, that is not the time to blurt out about a text message you read on his phone or check him about this girl he keeps liking her updates on Facebook.

Neither is that the time to talk about money for new clothes or how all your friends have cars except you. Men hate it when you use that intimate time to bring up all messy issues like his beef with his baby mama; if you have to talk about those stuff, do it before or after but not when he is trying to get his cookie.

Faking it

Research shows that half of women in the entire world hardly have an orgasm, yes it is that bad it sound be declared a universal disaster but if you have to fake the huge O, better be good at it and do not let him know.

Men hate it when a woman fakes an orgasm, it is fathomable why woman do it, sometimes, he has been finding you like yam or a West African ‘tom tom’ drum for over an hour and the thing won’t just come. You’ve tried too hard to cum until you have a migraine but the G-spot has pulled a Malaysia plane on you so what to do other than let out a fake one? Just make it sound, look and feel real Mamacitas.

Being rigid

Ladies, this does not in any way imply making somersaults but quit being rigid, men abhor it. Forget what your pastor said or what your man will think if you become a tad bit kinky but come on, missionary is not the only position that can get him in you.

Be spontaneous and make sex fun rather than a boring routine, do not overdo it but be willing to try out new styles as long as you are comfortable, who knows, the reverse cow girl might just be the position that gets you reciting hail Mary in Gujarati.

Where is my phone?

It does not matter whether you are enjoying it or otherwise, telling him to get off so that you can pick a call from your girlfriend who just wants to bitch is downright low.

Yes, he smooches like a giraffe and twitches your nipple like a knob and you freaking dislike it so bad but chatting while he is busy licking you down there no matter how pathetic he is a tad bit extreme.

Men have egos, the key to having him all wrapped up in your little finger is learning the art of massaging the goddamn ego as tiny as it might be and one sure way of bruising it is reaching for your phone when he is busy tryna prove what a macho he is on top of you. Keep the phone away.