Does your child dislike you?

Parent-child relationships are complex and what you see outside doesn’t always reflect what’s happening behind closed doors. Sometimes, your children express dislike or resentment towards you, which can be very hurtful, especially when you are doing your best as a parent.

While it can be heartbreaking to experience this, it’s important to understand the underlying reasons and approach the situation with empathy and understanding.

Understanding the causes

Several factors can contribute to this behaviour. A common cause is miscommunication. When parents and children do not communicate effectively, misunderstandings can occur, leading to frustration and resentment. For example, if your teenager feels judged and misunderstood, this will lead to strained relationships.

Another factor is unfulfilled expectations. Children may feel disappointed or resentful if their parents do not meet their expectations, no matter how outrageous they may be.

Whether it’s academic performance, social life or personal aspirations, if left unchecked, your child may begin to show some anger or, in extreme cases, rage as they begin to compare their lives with those of their peers.

Parental behaviour can also have a significant impact on a child’s feelings towards their parents. This sensitive issue, which many African parents prefer to avoid, is a major contributory factor.

Excessive discipline, criticism, heavy drinking partying on your part, or a lack of emotional support can create a negative environment that fosters resentment. Before you point the finger at your child, look at the log in your eye to make sure you’re not the problem.

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Signs that your child doesn’t like you

Although it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact reasons, there are certain signs you should be able to spot. For example, your teenage son may have become increasingly withdrawn, spending more time in his room than with you.

In the case of younger children, you may notice that they argue a lot, roll their eyes and are completely distant and disinterested in family activities. In other cases, their grades will start to drop and before you know it, they will be in trouble at school.

These behaviours can indicate a disconnect.

How to deal with it

First and foremost, create a safe and open environment for communication. Encourage your child to express their feelings without fear of judgement or criticism from you. If you can help it, do not get angry or show visible signs of annoyance. This will make them put up an emotional wall, which will make the problem more difficult.

When they’re talking, put aside what you’re doing, even if it’s just for a few minutes, and pay attention to what they’re saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Validate their feelings and show some empathy. Try to understand where they’re coming from.

Dedicate quality time to bonding. Engage in activities they enjoy and create positive memories together to counteract the negative ones.

As much as consistent and fair discipline can help maintain order and respect in the home, there are times when you can let things slide with caution.

If the situation worsens and you can’t control it, you may need to consider the services of a professional therapist or counsellor.