Why women hate it when mother-in-law visits the city

Your wife is most likely jealous of your mother. Monster-in-law, she calls her behind your back.

The delicate relationship between wives and their hubby’s mothers is the ugly blight in the beautiful petals of marriage.

And many women will confess that their wedding rings were barely hours on their fingers or the honeymoon was hardly over when they crossed paths with Sweetie’s mother.

From changes in diet, how to discipline kids, sleeping hours, when and how long to pray, soap operas to watch, in-house parties, which friends come to visit, to alterations in sound tracks from the bedroom, the mother-in-law changes everything when she’s in town.

Sadly, some overstay their welcome, stretching already thin budgets with their endless demands for certain medications, trips to blood relations in Nyandarua, to dictating how the family spends its weekends.

Elizabeth, a mother of two, has been married for seven years and laments how her mother-in-law comes by unannounced and changes what her children eat and drink during her stay.

“She would insist on giving my son soda and other sugary foods at night, and then retire to sleep leaving me awake as my son is all over the house due to the sugar rush,” complains Elizabeth. She is not happy about the casual way her mother-in-law treats everything, and her hubby’s lack of support as he apparently never sees anything wrong.

“He would even ask me to stop what I am doing so that I could take his mother for shopping,” ads Elizabeth.

The presence of mother-in-law is followed by an endless stream of her husband’s family who come to see and talk to cucu.

Pamela, a senior corporate communications manager with a parastatal, has never seen eye-to-eye with her mother-in-law.

“The day my husband tells me his mother has come, is the day I will look for an office trip or seminar and get away from home until she leaves,” says Pamela, who has been married for 15 years. She claims that during that time, she has tried everything to please her mother-in-law but in vain. Besides their common belief in God, there is nothing else they agree on.

“She would want to feed my husband, dress him and nurse him even when he has a slight cold. Since the man seems to enjoy all the attention, I told myself that I will be a wife when she isn’t around, and leave the house to her when she’s around.”

But it is not all gloom where mother-in-law is involved.

Doreen Muga says they are the best of friends with the mother-in-law.

“If I raise an issue with her, she would call her son and tell him off in my presence. If I erred, she would also tell me off in front of my husband,” Doreen says and reveals how the mother-in-law reprimanded the husband when it was discovered he was having an extra-marital affair.

“She didn’t believe in polygamy, so she told his son that she never wants to see him or his new woman in her home.”

Do men have similar issues with their mothers-in-law?

Pamela is of the opinion that men avoid their in-laws at all costs. They will only meet during funerals and other big occasions, but you won’t ever find a man willingly engaging there in-laws,” she said.

Pamela revealed that whenever her mother came visiting, her husband would be the best man around the house.

“He would never raise his voice or make demands. He would try to be home early and I would see him trying not to look miserable over the weekends.”

Clyde Mutsotso, the Managing Director of audit firm Clyde & Associates, has been married for 10 years. He has not had many issues since “I have been lucky to have a good mother-in-law. In case I have any issues in my marriage, she will be the first person I will call.” 

Clyde advises married men in frosty relationships and problematic in-laws to “just have necessary and essential contact with them to avoid issues. But if you’ve got a good one like mine, build the relationship further.”

Nicholas Opiyo, a private investigator, says he maintains basic contact with his mother-in-law. “I can’t call or WhatsApp her everyday, but at least once a week, I call and ask how she is doing. The call lasts no more than one minute,” he reveals.

He says that according to their customs, the mother in-law isn’t anybody you can just chat up.

“She is a woman who can curse you if you make her angry. In fact, there are a lot of things I can’t do when I am with my mother-in-law. Even when I go to her home, which is seldom, I can’t touch a drop of alcohol, I can’t pee anywhere lest she bumps into me, and I can’t even walk around bare chest,” says Opiyo.