Confessions: I regret cheating on my wife with a mum from my son’s school

Hello,

I’m a man in my early-40s and I’ve been separated from my wife for a couple of years now. I made the mistake of having an affair with one of the mums from my son’s school and, understandably, when my wife found out she threw me out.

The only way I can explain why I cheated is a mid-life crisis.

My wife was busy with the kids and her job, I felt unfulfilled and wondered where I fitted in and this other woman paid me a lot of attention.

Sex had been patchy with my wife, too, and this other woman really wanted me.

The sex was out of this world, but once my wife found out about the affair, I woke up and realised that I wanted to make it work with her and the sex with this other woman was not enough.

I’m on my own now and I have tried to talk to my ex about us trying again, but she just keeps saying there’s no going back because I hurt her, betrayed her and humiliated her.

She even moved my son from his school so she didn’t have to deal with the other mums knowing what happened and feeling sorry for her. I completely get it and if I could take it all back, I would.

I feel like I’ve lost everything – is there any way I can win her back?

Reply

She seems pretty determined that it’s over and, the truth is, I don’t know if you can win her back. Suggesting relationship therapy might be worth a shot but, for that to work, both of you have to be committed to the process.

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I think you have to take a lesson from this and, if you get into another relationship, deal with any issues before it gets to the point where you get involved in an affair.

There were obviously issues in your marriage that you didn’t deal with – lack of intimacy, feeling ­sidelined or taken for granted and so on. These are all issues that can challenge any long-term relationship.

Some couples can come back from an affair, but both of you have to want it and it does not sound as if your wife does at the moment.

Let her know how you feel, but then focus on your own life and getting back on track.

Continue to be a good dad and, maybe if she sees you taking responsibility and rebuilding your life in a positive way, she’ll be more open to a reconciliation.