‘My cheating wife wants my money and her lies could ruin me'

Dear Coleen

My wife has lied about me and those lies have a good chance of ruining my life. I stand to lose everything and could even go to prison.

I thought I had a perfect life and was looking forward to retiring and moving to a small place in a rural area. Then I found out my wife had several affairs during our marriage and is now involved with someone else.

I threatened to divorce her for ­adultery and told her she’d get nothing, so they hatched a plan and could now take everything I’ve worked for, including half my pension.

Because of their lies, friends and family have turned their back on me, as they now think I’m a wife beater. The truth is, I’ve never done anything to harm my wife. She wanted for nothing, but found me boring and said I was too honest and strait laced, which is why she had affairs.

I do have a chance to clear my name, but in doing so I could destroy someone else’s marriage. To cut a long story short, I have evidence (on tape) of my wife admitting to an affair with her brother-in-law.

My lawyer thinks I should use this in the hope she’ll tell the truth. However, she might not care about her sister and only be interested in her new man and how much she can get from me. Can you advise?

Coleen says:

You’re right, it might not make any difference to your wife and she’ll plough on regardless.

Having been through divorce, I know it’s hard, frustrating and heartbreaking, and that’s when you’re both getting on OK. The law doesn’t necessarily feel fair, especially if you’re the one who’s been betrayed, but sometimes you have to let it go. Courts usually split assets 50/50 and the truth is, you could spend thousands more fighting it.

You haven’t really explained why it’s become so horribly bitter or why she would accuse you of physical abuse, but I think you need to be guided by your solicitor and all ­communication with your wife should go through him or her. You could also try ­mediation, where it’s just the two of you in a room with a mediator appointed by the court or a solicitor.

Naturally, you’ll feel scared and destabilised so counselling could help you navigate this turbulent time.