OPINION: Not all Kisii men are bad, just yours!

Connection with Kisii men has sparked interesting conversations about cultural stereotypes in dating (Photo: Courtesy)

Last week, I shared that I’ve started liking a Kisii man and requested you all to pray for me, the reactions I received were both surprising and concerning.

As someone who typically found herself drawn to men from Western Kenya - primarily Luos and Luhyas - and occasionally Museveni’s grandchildren (Ugandan men), this new connection has sparked interesting conversations about cultural stereotypes in dating.

Let me be brutally honest. Before the dating app, I harboured some seriously unfair prejudices towards Kisii men. Their reputation preceded them – those soprano voices that seemed to pierce through any room, a temper that could ignite fire faster than a matchstick, and don’t even get me started on the bizarre image crafted by Embarambamba’s wild musical performances.

Embarambamba, oh Embarambamba. That singer single-handedly planted seeds of mystical madness in my mind about Kisii men. His music videos, filled with witchy shenanigans and absolutely unhinged energy, had me convinced that an entire ethnic community was somehow cut from the same eccentric cloth.

This man is chubby. And when I say chubby, I mean cute chubby. The kind of chunky that makes you want to just squeeze those cheeks and appreciate every single inch. Not too tall, but perfectly sized – a big boy who knows how to occupy space and steal hearts. He talks. Has a big voice. He’s one of those lively humans who looks innocent at first glance, but has this underlying spark that keeps you completely intrigued. Very much ‘biteable’.

When I shared my writing with my peers, the warning signs came flooding in faster than unsolicited dating advice.

From “Kisii men will be the death of you,” to “They’re way worse than Luo men!”.

My aunt’s reaction was particularly dramatic. When I casually mentioned I was seeing a Kisii man, she hushed me, “Shhhh Shindwe!.” “Don’t even say it out loud. Don’t let people hear you!”. “Are Luo men that extinct that you had to get yourself a Kisii man?

Keep Reading

There are some potential red flags with my Kisii babe though. He follows social media personalities known for promoting toxic stupidity, Andrew Kibe and Amerix. When he mentioned attending their daily “classes,” I couldn’t help but wonder why a grown man would need guidance from such questionable sources about relationships and lifestyle choices.

The feedback I’ve received isn’t entirely negative. While many women share stories of heartbreak and infidelity, they also praise certain positive qualities. My work colleague, herself Kisii and dating a Kisii man, has experienced both joy and pain in her relationship. Her journey from calling him “love of my life” to less flattering terms like community “ginene”. Her tears over this relationship could probably fill Lake Victoria and the number of times she’s said, “I’m leaving him for good!” could be turned into a hit song, rivalling Michael Jackson’s greatest hits. If we just added a few verses of “My babe and I are working things out,” it would be a chart-topper! Anyway, I washed my hands on this relationship because you can never advise a woman in love and two people who have shown each other’s unmentionables.

Now, dear Lord, what exactly did Kisii men do to deserve such a reputation? Despite all the warnings, the same women who complain endlessly about them also praise their prowess in the bedroom. I haven’t personally experienced it yet, so I can’t confirm or deny it, but it seems to be the reason many women keep going back, despite their men’s wandering ways.

For the longest time, Luo and Luhya men have held the title of Kenya’s premier “character developers.” But now, to hear that Kisii men might be even more problematic? I have to ask—what was God thinking when He created Kenyan men?

Now, let me be clear about my type. I like my men a little rough—not pretty boys. So when a Kikuyu, brown skin guy recently confessed he had attachment issues, I knew right away that he wasn’t for me. A soft man from Murima wouldn’t stand a chance—I’d probably bully the hell out of him without even trying. So far Mimi I like this one. He is charming.