Confessions: How do I find a good guy?

Hi Chris,

I am thinking about starting a new relationship. I am serious about the whole dating thing, and I am hoping to find ‘the one.’ But so far my life has been filled with a whole load of rogues.

They always look good from a distance and can be fun, to begin with, but they also have a dark side that wrecks everything sooner or later.

So how do I find a good guy?

Good Guys

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Hi Good Guys!

You are right, there is a load of rogues about. But there is also plenty of good guys, only that they are not easy to spot. Fortunately, the rogues are. The trick is to eliminate the rogues, after which you can safely fall in love with any of the others.

That means watching every new guy’s behaviour carefully and dumping anyone who shows even the slightest hint of flaky behaviour.

Like lying about where he is, who he is with, and so on. Expect 100 per cent honesty right from the start. Dump anyone who is forever late or cancelling dates, constantly getting strange phone calls or messages, or who mistreats you or the people around you. Is he charming to you but rude to the waiter? That is an early sign of personality issues, anger and abuse.

Then there are the men who avoid emotional intimacy while trying every way to get you naked. Do not stay with someone who is pressuring you into sex, or who gets aggressive or manipulative when you say no.

Some guys won’t try to get to know you at all. Guys like that love chasing a girl, but once he gets you, he instantly starts to look for his next conquest.

Beware of a man that is controlling. One who starts telling you how to dress, where you can go and how you should spend your money. He may even try to stop you from working or being with your friends and family. To begin with, it feels wonderful that he is so deeply in love with you. And ‘protective…’ But slowly, day by day, you are losing your soul.

Especially avoid a guy who is financially unstable, probably unemployed, and lacking in ambition. Instead of looking for a partner to share a life full of achievement, he is looking for a mother substitute - someone who will finance, feed and clean for him. Your new man’s career does not seem up to much? Somehow you always seem to end up paying for dinner? And you have already started lending him money? These are danger signs!

Develop your skills at spotting these characters. And the moment one of them comes into your life, send him on his way back as fast as you can.

All the best,

Chris