Help! I am only 27 years but I cannot get an erection

Dear Eve,

I am 27 years old and I am having trouble with my erection. It is depressing. Even just thinking about it makes me anxious. I used boosters for 6 months and quit. Things were OK with my partner but now I can’t even get it up. Please advise me.

James

Answer

Thank for your question, James. Even without knowing other important details of your life and what is going on, my strongest suspicion is that you are greatly stressed. This has likely worked against you in terms of your ability to attain and sustain an erection, which in turn contributed to more of the stress and anxiety which you are now experiencing regarding your erection and sex life with your partner. 

James, unfortunately, stress is one of the biggest sex killers and especially for men. Stress affects the desire for sex (low libido), the ability to attain an erection – meaning that a man may find that while he desires sex, he is simply unable to have an erect penis – and even the ability to sustain an erection – meaning while he may desire sex and have an erection in preparation for it, he is unable to complete sexual intercourse because he loses his erection.

Stress is a mood killer and a sex killer. It goes without saying, therefore, that reducing, eliminating and/or managing stress would be the logical place to begin with an intervention. 

It’s all in the mind

Whether the stress is real and not imagined, the solution lies in the mind. Ironically, the best of everything that has to do with sex also lies in the mind.

Time and time again I have said our brains are our biggest and best sex organs. Take advantage of this knowledge by resolving certain things in your mind first; make the decisions that you need to make to free your mind and your brain to do what they were designed to do.

In the words of the famous group En Vogue, “free your mind, and the rest will follow.” 

Eliminate stress

Fortunately or unfortunately, some of the stress we experience can be eliminated by us. Sometimes that means finding our courage to make difficult to decisions while other times, the answers are staring us right in the face, we simply need to attend to them.

Whatever the case, step up and make the decisions that need to be made. If you’re drinking too much, stop it. Alcohol and drugs are major risk factors to erection problems, and those are things that you can stop doing that will have an almost-immediate effect. If you suspect that you may be depressed or your stress levels are becoming unmanageable, see a doctor and get treatment.

If you’re feeling psychologically burdened by thoughts or fears of your past, present or future, make an appointment to come and see me or a mental health professional in your area and get the psychological support and tools that you need. In other words, no more hiding from yourself or your life; step up and attend to yourself and your needs. 

Manage stress

Many times, when we are stressed, it is because of some of the decisions that we choose to make, so choose differently. If you are in a job that is very high stress, either leave or take active steps on things you can do to help you cope with that job.

If there is strife and stress in any of your relationships, begin to do your part in contributing to peace and friendship. If you are the stressor in your relationships, change your behaviour and become a less stressful person to be around.

If you are the one who feels stressed or ‘put-upon’ in those relationships, make the necessary decisions regarding those people/relationships. Remember that our bodies communicate to us in the language that they can – and in the language that we can understand. Yours is telling you that something has gone very wrong for it. 

Major life events

We cannot end this discussion without discussing the impact of major life events. Life events – whether positive or negative – such as the death of a close person, a graduation, having a baby, a new engagement or marriage, a new business, divorce can easily wreak havoc on your sex life so look at your life and see whether one or more of these could be contributing to your stress levels, and then act accordingly. In many of these cases, you may want to take a long view of your current situation as you work through them. In other words, give time, time.

I hope that after reading this article you are willing and able to sit down, examine your life for stressors and make bold steps in the direction of lowered stress and desired sex life so you can have the lfie – and sex life – that you truly desire.

Maggie Gitu holds an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy. She practices as a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist. Reach her at [email protected] or via her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu