The key to long-lasting relationships

Growing up, I admired the lifestyles of some families in my community -- especially a certain couple -- so much so that I promised myself to model them when I start my own family. I wanted them to be our best couple in my wedding. I esteemed them. They had all that any person would want to have or ask for in this life. Talented and gifted. Young and energetic. Hard working and earning. Loving and living great. The list goes on…

They were the perfect couple!

Several years later, they separated. Yes, they separated. This got me awe-struck. I wondered, why and how? They had grown together, but because of accrued pressure, gradually grown apart. They had a good start. They loved each other, but held different ideals. I guess they understood this, but like many couples, thought that it is not a big deal after all. They learnt to tolerate each other, they learnt to bottle-up issues. Goal? To keep the nuptials going. After all, they had an image to protect in the public eye.

Several years later came the nose-dive. Their attitudes developed into rivalry. They could not pursue one goal. They messed up their business, their only source of livelihood. Sold it, shared the proceeds, then each ventured into an enterprise. Both stakes crumbled within months.

Yes, each one felt that they were better than the other. Better educated. Better tribe. Better background. Better pay. Better partner. Further, each demanded recognition and that seemed far-fetched.

Talking “at” each other followed and regular fights supervened, each protecting their space. The two, who had been pronounced one by the priest in church, were quickly sliding back to their former state. Terrible! Jealousy, misunderstanding, name-calling and judgements every passing day. Sometimes, their three teenage children received a share of these. Attitudes spiraled to negative actions, fast advanced physical fights. They all would look angry and reserved. But why would two educated adults start behaving in such a manner? Many would seek to ask? Their first born, their only daughter, then aged 16, was moved into a rehabilitation centre. She had been overcome by alcoholism. Today, the two, though without a visible scar, are separated. They bear deep emotional scars.

But, thank God they are alive!

What did the couple miss out? They must have missed out on communication. Love and commitment are good in marriage, but communication is key. How else would one explain the story of a young man who some months ago, murdered a university student in the name of love?