Too much nookie is not a guarantee for a happy marriage

Are you sowing your wild oats? Sowing one’s wild oats is common among 20-somethings who feel they are too young to be monogamous. They want to play the field and shop around before settling down. The term ‘sow your wild oats’ originated from Europe and basically compares pre-marital hanky pankies to wastefully planting oats in the wild, rather than on a fenced-in, well-ploughed farm fields. Some people believe that they need to have sex with as many partners as possible before getting married.

They are convinced that those who get married without first sowing their oats end up regretting. To them, it is imperative to fornicate so that they can ‘get it out of their system’ and in any case, practice makes perfect, right? I mean, how can you know what you want without sampling everything? I know a guy who maintains that he has to sleep with a girl from every tribe before he gets married. I hope he means like ten of the major tribes in Kenya because, 42 girls? Well, good luck for him!

No judgement here though. Your approach to dating is your own business. Go ahead, have your variety: tall, short, fat, skinny, busty, big booty, long-haired, bald, dark-skinned, light-skinned, college girl, cougar, escort, celebrity, foreigner and everything in between. Knock yourself out. The sky is the limit. Treat sex like an all-you-can-eat buffet if that is what floats your boat, but do not be deceived into believing that sowing one’s oats is a prerequisite for a happy marriage with fulfilling sex

I know quite a number of people who are happy, contented and have no regrets, despite having only one partner in their lives. Life coach Christine Hassler said it best: “You don’t have to taste 31 flavours of ice cream to know what ice cream tastes like and discern your favourite flavour. If you are with someone whose flavour you are enjoying, why would you want to risk hurting them and ending your relationship?”

There are no rules that stipulate oats need to be sowed before settling down, and there is nothing that proves that those who sow their oats will be happier than those who did not. What I am trying to bring across is that this whole ‘sowing’ process is not exactly something that everyone necessarily needs to take part in. It is a personal decision. Do not sow oats you don’t really want to sow, just because everyone else is doing so. But still, do not limit yourself sexually because you are worried about the social repercussions for what you have sown.

But the day will come when the all-you-can eat-buffet will no longer seem appetising. You will start craving something more than just meaningless sex. You will desire quality over quantity and miss the security of a healthy relationship. Perhaps you will meet a girl who will make those previous experiences pale in comparison, and you will understand that true intimacy isn’t learned through superficial sexual relationships.

And by the way, while you are out there hopping into bed with your variety of women, do not think that your future wife is in the house playing Virgin Mary. Women are sowing their wild oats too. She is probably out there plotting how she will bang one of those Kenya 7s hunks, you know, to get a craving for those abs out of her system.

As you go about sowing your oats, remember that you reap what you sow: STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Happy sowing!

@roxannekenya