Hi Chris,
Why are relationships so ambiguous these days? My boyfriends always seem to avoid defining things. I think it’s because they don’t want anything more than a casual date, but I want something more serious
Ambiguous
Chris says,
Hi Ambiguous,
You’re not the only one complaining! A lot of couples these days don’t define things. Even intimate couples who spend a lot of time together are often unsure of where they stand.
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But this is a really bad idea. There’s nothing wrong with a casual relationship. But if you want to get more serious, say “Is this a date?” out loud the first time he asks you out. These days, it’s often unclear whether an invitation is really a date and what your expectations should be.
So when you plan your first night out, agree that you are really going on a date. Because that means you’re hoping to start a long-term relationship together. And not just hanging out.
You should also be determined to become an item. And that you intend to be faithful to each other in the future. If you do not say this out loud, the chances of infidelity increase.
Another important moment is when you start living together. How this decision is made can have a lasting effect on the success of your relationship.
Often it ‘just happens’. You start spending more and more time in one of your houses, or a lease comes to an end and you start living together. That’s a really bad idea.
It’s better to discuss the decision to move in together and all that it entails. Because couples who actively decide to live together have better relationships than those who just let things happen.
In the same way, couples who start out in a formal relationship rather than an undefined, casual sexual relationship are more likely to be happy in the long run. That’s because couples who have only had sex with each other once and have never lived with someone else have happier marriages.
So if you want a successful relationship, you need to be decisive and not drift.
All the best,
Chris