We fell out and didn't speak for five days and I found out he kissed another girl and sent texts to another hoping to have sex
Dear Coleen
I’ve been in a rocky two-year relationship. When things are good, we’re both the happiest we can be, but when they’re bad, they’re awful.
We went through a bad patch where we argued, fell out and didn’t speak for five days.
I have now found out he kissed another girl on a night out during that time and was texting another girl hoping to “get a sh*g’ (his words). He came clean and told me this himself.
Two weeks later, he’s done a complete U-turn, saying he loves me and wants me back and accepted that he didn’t treat me the way he should have. I believe he’s being honest and that he’s sorry.
The problem is, when I’m with him, I just keep thinking about him wanting to have sex with these other girls. He says the way to look at it is that he wasn’t himself at the time.
I am trying but I’m finding it hard. I do think he’s changed, but I would never have done that to him.
Coleen says
From observing my sons and their friends, I’ve learned that boys react differently to break-ups – their answer is often to go out on the pull instantly, whereas girls tend to hide under the duvet with a broken heart. It’s not because they don’t love you, I think it’s a pride thing.
They think, “I’m hurt and angry and I can get any girl I want”. But often when they do that, they wish they hadn’t and realise they do love you and I think that’s exactly what your boyfriend has done.
It’s a temporary solution to make themselves feel better – like plastering over a wound.
OK, let’s look at the facts – he didn’t cheat on you and it made him realise he wants to be with you and work at the relationship.
If you do love him, then give him another chance and, as you rebuild the trust and love, those girls will fade into the background. I don’t think it’s anything you can’t come back from.