"You have a condition. It's incurable and it causes infertility," is not a statement you want to hear from your doctor.
Like many teenagers, I have had problematic skin and have suffered acne since high school. I have also struggled with obesity, especially after high school, which was a shocker to me since all through high school, I was small-bodied and even acquired a nickname, 'Anne Small'.
In 2009, I missed my menstrual period for three consecutive months. I however was not alarmed but knew I needed to go to the hospital and get checked. I did, and after listening keenly, the doctor sent me for an ultrasound scan.
The doctor read through it and explained that I had many cysts in my ovaries. "You have so many cysts in your ovaries, do you have a child? If not, you need to try for a baby, but in the meantime, I will give you a pill to regulate your period."
He wrote down some drug name and sent me to the pharmacy. That is how it all began. I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Symptoms include irregular periods, acne, facial hair, obesity and the big one - infertility.
Here I was, diagnosed with this condition (I thought I was the only one in the world who had it), single and two years into dating my then boyfriend; Jackson Kamau, popularly known as DJ Soxxy.
Despite all what was going on and the uncertainty that lay ahead, Soxxy asked for my hand in marriage in 2010.
I know! I too thought he was crazy! I reminded him countless times that I have PCOS and I made him Google countless times about PCOS. I told him I might never give him children, according to the doctor's report and he always answered, "children come from God."
After a year – well around 10 months in marriage – we started trying for a baby. Soxxy would have wanted us to take at least two years before having children but I had become that nagging woman, driven by both internal and external pressures.
Luckily, I had a very good gynae and when we told him we were ready, he reminded me of my condition and timelines we had to try getting a baby on our own before he introduced any medical interventions.
Five months later, there was no baby. I started panicking, but my doctor kept reassuring me that we had to keep trying for at least a year before he could intervene. When we clocked a year, I ran back.
At this point, Soxxy would know that my periods had come when he came home to find me crying. My doctor got to work and he told me he would put me on fertility pills (and I thought this is what my body was waiting for) I went from the lowest dose of the fertility pills to the highest dose and even trying two different types at the same time. When I was not having a headache, I was nauseated most of the time.
Standing at the altar, we often mumble these words "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health". This was our worse, poorer and sickness all at the same time, our relationship became very strained.
No one ever prepares you for 'not having children' and especially in our African culture. At times, I wished I got pregnant and then miscarried just for people to see I can actually get pregnant. I felt my husband wasn't "looking" for a baby as seriously as I was. He felt I was worrying for no reason.
I felt I had disappointed many, since getting pregnant was such an easy thing, or so I thought. Soxxy on the other hand felt I was giving him unnecessary pressure when he wanted to just come home, put his legs up and watch TV. I was busy counting when my ovulation day was.
He once told me he felt like a sperm donor rather than my lover and friend. Our home was cold because I was always crying. I remember one day my friend called and they were expecting an 'oops' baby number three and instead of being happy for them, I cried. I just couldn't understand this God, It's like he was out to show me He was blessing other people with kids other than myself. So I fell out with God.
It got to a point I started telling my husband that the problem must be him because the doctor had done everything possible and I wasn't getting pregnant (all my trust was in the doctor). Things were so bad between Soxxy and I that it took the intervention of our best couple to keep us from falling apart.
As if I was not going through enough, I also developed high blood pressure and this complicated the whole process as I couldn't take any fertility drugs anymore since it would put me at other health risks.
Finally, my gynaecologist gave us two options – wait out the High blood pressure and try IVF or go for surgery 'Ovarian drilling' – even with all these options, there was just a 50 per cent chance of conceiving.
In 2013, I remember my new year's post read 'This is my year'. I got a new job in July and I resolved to 'stop looking' for this baby who did not want to come. I called a meeting with my husband and told him we would not look for a baby anymore or buy any more pregnancy test kits (I would buy the expensive ones which claim to detect a pregnancy in its early stage).
I also pointed out that we would wait for two years then adopt. I resolved to going back to my life as I felt I had 'left' myself somewhere when all this 'baby searching' began.
Life went back to normal. We went back to us and started enjoying our Friday dates – we used to make nice dinner, watch a nice movie and just enjoy each other's company. I started trying to "befriend" God again; I would go to church and pray but never bring up children in my prayer, that's an area I had fully surrendered to Him. My focus was back to myself and my marriage.
December 27, 2013 remains a very special day in my life. I had gone to the office, and left at 3pm feeling very hungry. Being a firm believer that eating is a social habit, it's hard to find me eating alone.
So when I found myself driving into Galitos all by myself I knew something was wrong. As I ate that chicken like my life depended on it I started wondering when I last had my period. I had stopped being so keen. So I walked across the pharmacy and bought two of the cheapest pregnancy test kits.
I got home, made dinner and thought to myself I couldn't wait till morning...the first test turned positive very fast that I doubted it myself so I took the second test, which also turned positive. I just thought this must be a bad joke... I took the test to Soxxy. At first he looked at me and I could tell he felt "not this tests again. We were doing just fine." Then he asked "Whose tests are these?"
That's how our little Nimu sneaked into our lives, we named her Eliana – Hebrew for 'my God answered' because He sure answered us when we least expected It.