We all have had the misfortune of hosting guest who overstay their visits. Kenyans are indeed a peculiar lot. When a Kenyan wants to visit, he or she will lie that he/she is "just passing by", only for him or her to camp at your place for hours or even days!
Woe unto you if you live next to the road; all passers-by who know you will want to pop in "just to say hi". Just because a Kenyan is somewhere in your neighbourhood is reason enough to "pass by", at times unannounced.
Had such guests learnt to be nice, respectful or even resourceful while overstaying their visits, we would be talking of a different story. Unfortunately, while at it, these types will do all manner of annoying, crazy things that drive hosts up the wall.
God help you if you host those, especially villagers who are used to plastic mugs and plates, who never miss an opportunity to unnecessarily panic, fumble and break imported glassware in your house. Or those miscreants who tinker with electronics, leaving them malfunctioned.
Some Kenyans take "my house is your house, feel at home" pleasantry too seriously and quite literally, that they can unashamedly put on your clothes and take photos in them! If you are not careful, some village-bred visitors can use the most personal item in your house like your toothbrush or even put on your underwear!
Then we have those buggers who quaff that expensive, exotic wine you have been hoarding for years, waiting for a special occasion. You only rudely discover the pricey drink is no more when you stumble upon the empty bottle in your trash bin!
How about those who hog the TV remote control, as if they own it. Or those clowns who rearrange your furniture and nitpick so much so that they have the temerity to criticise your menu, cooking style and the size of your house.
Needless to mention those know-it-all bags of air who interject as you speak; shouts you down and want to win all the arguments against you in the presence of your wife and children, when all along your household thought you're the smartest chap around.
It's even worse if you host a slob of magnanimous proportions whom you will need a court order for them to assist in carrying out simple household chores such as washing utensils. How about those whom you need a legal injunction to get them take a shower?
That you live in a small house with neither leg room nor elbow space and that you have to step out to stretch or think doesn't matter; they pitch camp, deny you privacy and inconvenience you.
Other hyenas are so shameless that they start seducing your teenage daughters. Others take the joke a bit too far, and start seducing your wife or husband.