One of the stupidest things you have ever done as an adult is agreeing to go on holiday with other couples several years ago. It was with your then girlfriend, now turned baby mama.
You knew it would be a bad idea, but she accused you of never being a team player, and so you grudgingly agreed.
As soon as you met at the airport for the trip, you knew it was a bad idea. It turns out her friends had married some not so-cool-men. Obnoxious.
The girls, who had arranged the get-together, forgot a few fundamental rules of male relations. One, you can’t mix people who don’t drink with those who drink.
Secondly, it helps to understand the libido ranges of your friends. Every man has that one friend he can’t allow to get close to his sister or wife.
Thirdly, men get bored too easily and a holiday set up is one of the most boring environments for men, unlike women who like taking pictures from swimming pool lounge chairs.
So, as soon you met, you realised there was going to be trouble. Firstly, it was a political season, and the men gathered happened to come from different tribes, especially two tribes that don’t see each other eye-to-eye. That meant politics as a topic was off the table.
Then, of the five, by some stupid coincidence, three were not football fans. And worst of all, two didn’t drink alcohol. And you knew it was going to be hell. No politics to talk about, no catching a match together, and there were two who were not going to stay with you past 10pm because people who don’t drink hate noise.
By the first night when you reached your destination -- an island with nothing to offer but sunny beaches and the blue sky -- your nerves were cackling at the idiocy of the idea.
The second night, you went to the bar and the teetotaller proved to lack class completely. He was flirting with your girlfriend, and even as they danced, he seemed to be talking to her more and pulling her a little too close. More annoyingly, whereas, you had Okayed the dancing, your girlfriend seemed to be enjoying it more than you anticipated. Women are poor readers of situations.
That night, you had an argument that ran into the morning and things were never the same again. The randy fellow turned his attention to another man’s wife and was not attentive to his own wife. The wife was one of those, shy, naïve, careless type who could not put a leash on him.
So did the man try to lay every woman there? Later when catching a drink and some late-night Christmas football match, the four of you agreed he was a terrible being. He was also so self-centred, egoistic and generally not a team player.
So, when Caroline told you about the get-together idea that she and her friends are planning for Christmas, your answer was NO.
“We are not going anywhere, we are going to the village,” you said with the finality of a cop who wants a bribe.
Her pleas were met with a stern refusal. She had better not try to persuade you otherwise. You lost a woman before. You can’t risk losing another one.
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