I have noticed that the older one gets (after 35 for men, and after 30 for women), the more difficult it becomes for them to get married. I know many men past 35 who are well off, but are not keen on marriage at all. Even their parents and relative have stopped raising hell for them.
It used to be that there are no serious men to marry. But now, the tables have turned. Getting a serious woman to marry nowadays is like getting a good politician you can trust: impossible!
Women want men to be husbands in the traditional sense, but they want to be wives in the modern sense, which is a double-standard. I asked a few bachelors why they are not keen on marriage, despite their advancing age. Here are some of the reasons:
Misplaced expectations
You meet a woman, she is perfectly sensible, and looks wife-able, until you express your interest. She notices you have some spare cash in the bank and she starts getting ideas about a grand wedding.
A woman you have barely dated for a month starts telling you she would love a proposal on the moon, another at the Egyptian pyramids, a wedding in Hawaii and a honeymoon in Paris.
Women normally have wild fantasies that cannot be fulfilled in 50 lifetimes, and they rarely come down to earth to accept being married without so much fuss. With such materialistic expectations, men put off marriage indefinitely until they can meet a woman who thinks like a normal human should.
Pressure
Women are inherently selfish. They start their lives early. By 28, a woman has essentially done every sinful thing human beings should do before they settle down.
But by 28, a man has barely started to even afford a 21-year-old nubile college girl. So, a 32-year old man meets a 27-year-old woman ready to settle, and the woman wants to have a wedding with the man within 72 hours!
Many men have left their prospective wives because of undue pressure. Some women even get pregnant to trap men. The results of such unions are obvious. A number of single mothers got themselves in the situation by exerting too much pressure on men.
Thing with men, once they see a wife-able woman, they never hesitate.
Mileage
I know this is often seen as a double-standard, but most men are picky and would try as much as possible to get a modest woman.
But in a place like Nairobi, where women lose their virginity at a relative a young age, by age 24, they would have done everything, and sexually speaking, they will not be as exciting as a man would expect. So, there is a dilemma.
Most men skip on older women because of the excess baggage that they carry, but younger women are increasingly becoming a raw deal. It is possible to meet a 25-year-old with as much baggage as a 34-year-old spinster resigned to fate.
Single mothers
Most eligible women with good credentials are already single mothers, whether they are in their mid-20s or in their 30s.
While the attitude about marrying single mothers have changed over time, most men are still hesitant about single mothers. So, you meet a good woman, in perfect shape, good humour and can cook like a top chef.
Basically she checks all the boxes, but she has a boy aged six she gave birth to when she was 23. And now you can’t help but disappear into the woods!
No serious women
Some men told me that most women are jokers. Some are adulterous, gold-diggers, and some want the party endlessly. Add to this those hooked on alcohol or drugs, but still hoping to be married at some point.
Women should realise that men admire disciplined women and adjust their lives accordingly. Marriage is a full-time vocation, you have let go so many youthful indiscretions for you to be marriageable.
Over-ambition
Over-ambition is just as bad as not being ambitious. But most women are in a race for papers (money or academic) and rarely have time to settle down. And the older a woman gets, the less appealing she becomes to men.
@nyanchwani
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