What should I do? My husband has impregnated my sister. We have been in this marriage for six years now and I really love him. He is my best friend but in this instance I don't know who to blame. When I found out about this, I was devastated. I felt worthless and stupid. Nobody knows about this and he doesn't deny it. I'm confused, don't know what to do and feel that I can't tell anyone, because so many people think I am strong emotionally but I know I am weak inside. I have to sit with them in the same table in front of the whole family but I can't say a word. This is killing me. Please help... {Jane}
Your Take:
These secret affairs happen in many marriages. It is important for family members to keep a safe distance from each others’ spouses as they have potential to create disharmony in the family. Avoid them as much as possible.
{Eustus Munene}
Do not keep this issue to yourself. If you refuse to share this with other people and especially those that know and understand you, then it will end up eating you up and could even cause depression. In some cases, this has led to suicide so to avoid this, talk to somebody who understands you.
{Wairimu Karuga}
I doubt your husband is as good a friend as you put it because if he were, he wouldn’t have gone behind your back to sleep with your sister. Get some close family members to share this with otherwise, this could literally kill you.
{Melody Tochi}
Address the root cause of that problem not the symptoms. The pregnancy is a symptom that you could have neglected your husband forcing him to go to your sister. Frankly speaking “wives” have neglected their crucial roles in the family and society at large.
{Joseph Kapolonto}
While difficult, what has happened has already happened. Now you have to live with it. Find out their intentions. If it was meant for marriage, then there is nothing you can do about it but rather accept the situation.
You might consider having your sister as your co-wife. Have a candid discussion with them also to find out what they think and put all options on the table. Try and remain composed and you may even engage some close friends to support you through this time.
{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}
I sympathize with you. Your husband has truly done you wrong. Nonetheless, you need to talk about it with family members from both sides. This will be the first step in your healing process as you try to find a solution.
{Fidel Mwangi}
The fact that he hasn’t denied it re-affirms his love for you. Let nature take its course but keep your sister away from him in future. Men are generally weak.
{Aseri Dickson}
Such a scenario is bound to cause sibling animosity whose consequences might be stupendous. Make sure she leaves your house because her presence may evolve into physical, verbal and emotional confrontations.
Secondly, involve the extended family to seek solution and if your culture allows polygamy, then your sister should be your co-wife. Keeping silent about it is also hazardous and I advice you to speak it out to avoid emotional build up.
{Rodgers Otieno}
Counselor’s Take:
Your husband and sister should take equal measure of blame for their selfish and unacceptable actions. However, rather than point fingers at who did what, it will be more useful if you focused more on coming up with a solution towards crafting a clear way forward.
In developing this, it is important that we highlight the critical facts of this matter which are; one, the two had an intimate relationship behind your back; two, she is expectant of your husband; three, it will be impossible if not difficult to keep this a secret for a long time; four, you cannot handle this matter alone – you may need to involve other people if you want a good outcome and five, they are both somewhat indispensable.
Through this scenario, I encourage you not to take any responsibility or blame for their actions. They made conscious decisions to go behind your back and not their actions are catching up with them.
Most women are usually led to taking the blame for not taking care of their husband or letting the get too close but the fact of the matter is that they should have had not only the sense of control but also some respect for the fact that there is already family relations involved.
The first thing is to get people that are well known and respected to them to act as arbitrators in this matter. In the arbitration, it will be important to know in clear terms from both of them the kind of relationship they have as well as their future aspirations. He may be planning to marry her as his second wife effectively making her your co-wife. They may decide to stay apart with him taking some degree of responsibility for the child.
While they have indeed wronged you, there is not much you can do at present since he has openly admitted to fathering the child and it seems your sister had ideas about the potential role he could play in her life. If you play hard ball, he may sideline you and focus on her hence the need to approach this matter with a lot of wisdom and composure. {Taurus}