I have been married for several years now. However, I have some problems for which I need advice. My husband wants and demands for sex every day. Whenever I say no or I cannot for one reason or the other, he hurls all manner of insults to me and threatens to end our marriage. Of late he demanded my Facebook password and is now managing my account. He also started demanding that I come home straight at the end of our church service. I don't know what has gotten into him. I am not sure if this is true love or something else and I don't know what else I can do to please him. Please advise me. {Mercy}
Your Take:
Mercy, have you ever asked yourself why this is happening? This is a sensitive issue that needs to be handled carefully. You need to try and understand his sexual needs and find out if he is going out looking for sex when you don’t give into his needs. Sex is one of the things that makes love stronger and the more you fight about this the more you drive his love away. You can renew this love once again.
{Fred Jausenge}
To please your man you should try and satisfy his sexual demands. Try and sacrifice for the sake of love and marriage. Denying him his sexual rights makes him suspicious that there is someone else who is enjoying on his behalf.
{Brian Korir}
He is certainly being unfair to you by trying to control and trace each end every one of your movements. Could you have given him a reason to doubt you? Call on him and have a chat with him to understand why he is behaving like this.
{Clinton Johns}
You should try and find out if your husband is using drugs and stimulants that cause him to have an unusually high appetite for sex. This may be the problem and will need to be treated. If he has taken your internet details and passwords then he should also give you his passwords so that you can also monitor his account. I think you need to talk to him and to tell him to stop this childish behaviour.
{Onyango Outha}
You did not tell us how you treated him before he married you. However, do note that the more excuses you make for not having sex, the more he will demand it. Talk to him about this and offer yourself for sex with him. In time, he will reduce his appetite for sex.
{Barrack Tunya}
He has just lost trust in you and you should find out what it is that caused this. Talk to him and try to understand his fears. He may be cheating on you and also thinks that you are also doing so.
{Tasma Saka}
Counselor’s Take:
Mercy, it is somewhat common for men to have a higher appetite for sex than women. As a matter of fact, most relationships experience this issue.
Women are essentially different. Their appetite for sex is determined by many factors including the natural processes taking place within them, their social, economic and psychological state as well as the sexual partner.
Women will more often than not need a reason to get intimate while men only need a place and the right partner of course.
While it is absolutely normal for a man to desire intimacy more often than his female counterpart, it is actually abnormal for them to hurl insults and issue threats when their sexual advances are turned down.
Principally, you are not a sexual object. Your feelings should also be taken into consideration when it comes to sexual matters. However, this is only if the situation is normal i.e. you try to address and satisfy his sexual needs as and when you can. If you deny his conjugal rights for long periods of time then he is bound to get agitated and could behave in the manner you described.
So as much as there are indications that he has a problem, you should also reflect on your role in all that is going on.
For him to demand for your password and take control of your social media and e-mail accounts, then demand that you don’t spend any time outside the house even after church are indicators of major underlying issues that ought to be addressed. He seems to be insecure about you and has controlling tendencies.
Such a person is dangerous to be with as you don’t know what he is likely to do with the accounts he is managing. Generally, it is safer and better for everyone for internet facilities to remain personal even for married couples because even simple harmless conversations can be easily taken out of context and thus cause many inconveniences. {Taurus}