Dear Coleen
My husband is a mummy’s boy. He shares each and every detail about our lives with her when I’m not around.
He is also guided by his mother when it comes to making decisions. For example, if she approves of someone my husband will love that person too, but if she doesn’t like someone he’ll just cut them out.
His mum has also convinced him that my parents are bad and greedy, and that they just want to get their hands on his money. Now he has no time for them and doesn’t want them to come over or me to visit them.
She’s also bad-mouthed my brother and now my hubby hates him too!
I imagine his mother will be the one who’ll decide whether we have another kid or not too!
Like an obedient dog, he just goes along with everything she says. And whenever we have an argument, he runs back to his mum and tells her everything I’ve said.
Both of them are so manipulative – I feel like their servant sometimes rather than his wife. It’s so frustrating and my baby is just six months old. I really don’t know what to do.
Coleen says
Well, how very unattractive! My two boys, who are both in their 20s, tell me everything, but nine times out of 10, I’m on the girl’s side. And I wouldn’t dream of trying to make their decisions for them. Even if I didn’t like one of their girlfriends, I would never try to influence them if they were in love with that person.
Your husband needs to cut those apron strings and you need to get tougher with him too. Insist your parents are coming round to see their grandchild and stick up for your brother when he’s having a go at him – unless you agree with him. Stop letting him, sorry, his mum, run the show.
You have the power to get back in control of your own life again, but I know it’s not easy when you have a baby – it’s hard just to think straight when you’re so tired all the time.
Right now, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed, but that side of things will get better as you get used to motherhood and your baby gets older.
And don’t be shy to ask for help from your mum or friends if things are getting on top of you and you need a break.
I think your husband needs a shock. First of all, tell him you have no intention of having another baby while he continues to be ruled by his mum. You need to explain that you’re a unit and he either starts acting like your husband and the father of your child or he moves out and lives with his mum.
He needs to grow up and learn to stand on his own two feet.