Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year.
One night, his dad – who I find very attractive – was lying next to me on the couch watching a movie and he touched me.
I liked it a lot, but I told him to stop because I felt so guilty.
Recently, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight and he broke up with me.
We got back together, but an hour after we made up, his ex-girlfriend sent me screenshots of their recent conversation in which he said about me: “She’s a b*** anyway and I’m glad we’re apart now, so I can be with you.”
He went on and on, begging her to be in his life again.
I was so hurt I called him, but I was too upset to talk and he hung up and ignored me for the rest of the night.
Now here’s the bad part. I needed someone to talk to, so I called his dad because he just gets me.
He came by on his motorbike and we rode to a quiet alley and talked forever.
All I was thinking about was getting my boyfriend back, but his dad kept looking down my shirt and saying that his son should be treating me better and doing things for me.
While I was crying, he leaned in and kissed me.
I didn’t stop him – I wanted revenge for what my boyfriend did. Things didn’t stop there...
At first I didn’t feel guilty, but now things have settled down with my boyfriend again, I feel so disappointed in myself.
I would take it back if I could because I’m so in love with him.
I know if I told him he’d go into severe depression or leave me.
But if I don’t tell him, it’ll eat away at me. I just want him to know it was a mistake. Please help.
Coleen says
So basically you want to dump all this on your boyfriend’s doorstep to get rid of your guilt and make yourself feel better?
The problem here is, you may have got back together with your boyfriend, but his dad is always going to be there, too.
How are you going to cope with that?
What his dad did is really low – to betray his own son and take advantage of the situation.
But, if you go ahead and tell your boyfriend, things will explode.
It’ll ruin his relationship with his dad and I’m pretty certain he’ll dump you, too.
I think the whole scenario is toxic – you’ve crossed a line and there’s no going back.
All this getting back at each other is immature – it’s almost as if you’re addicted to the drama of it or you don’t believe you deserve to be treated better.
I know you’re feel guilty now, but what will you do next time you have a row with your boyfriend? Sleep with his dad for revenge?
My advice would be to take a big step back from all of it.
Don’t see your boyfriend and definitely don’t see his dad, and consider very carefully about whether you should pursue this relationship.
Personally, it doesn’t sound like love to me.