Wedding season is in full swing and while they’re always stressful to organise, finding a venue, booking a caterer and choosing a dress can be the easy part.
With family feuds, divorced parents or money worries, the dilemmas can be endless. We asked the experts what you can do...
1. Uninvited honeymoon guests
Q. I’m getting married and planning a honeymoon in Australia for three weeks. I’ve asked my mother to look after my kids, who are two and four.
She says I should only go away for a week, or I should take them with me!
But it’s my honeymoon! Am I being unreasonable?
A. Dean says: “Australia is a great location for a honeymoon as well as a family holiday so have you considered taking your children with you?
Maybe you could have a one week honeymoon closer to home, or a couple of nights in a luxury hotel in the UK and then save your big Australia trip for when your children are older and can join you.”
2. Gift dilemma
Q. I’m 38, have three kids and I’ve lived with my partner for 15 years. We’ve finally decided to tie the knot. We don’t need anything for our house, but it would be great to pay off our credit card debts. Is it very cheeky to ask for money?
A. Dean Yardley, managing director of hitched.co.uk, says: “Perhaps you could word your gift list announcement in such a way that won’t promote how you’re going to spend the money.
You could mention how you have everything that you need, and would like to either save up for something in the future.”
3. Parent problem
Q. After my parents split my mum remarried when I was four. I still saw my father but I’m much closer to my step-dad. Now I’m getting married and I don’t know who should walk me down the aisle. I don’t want to upset either of them.
Help!
A. Jo says: “One way of dealing with this is to make both of them feel involved. One of them could walk you down the aisle, while the other does the father of the bride speech. Or ask your brother or a male friend to give you away but make sure you do give the fathers something else to do.”
4. Family feud
Q. My parents are divorced. They both have new partners and both think they should be on the top table.
But they don’t speak to each other and I don’t want an atmosphere. What can I do?
A. “Throw convention out of the window and think of a compromise,” says Jo Bryant, etiquette adviser and editor of Debrett’s Wedding Guide.
“You could have the bridesmaids, best man and their partners on the top table and perhaps some friends who have travelled a long way for the wedding and who you’d like to get the chance to talk to. Then each of the parents can host a table with some of their own friends on it. Communication is the key.”
5. The ex factor
Q. I’m best friends with my ex’s sister and would like her to be my bridesmaid. But my fiance doesn’t want to be reminded of my previous relationship on our big day. What should I do?
A. Dean says: “Talk to your fiance and explain that bridesmaids are there to support you during the build up and the big day. If he stills feel strongly then you need to decide if you want to risk tension on the day. Have some other friends in mind if you do decide against asking your ex’s sister.”
6. Don’t drown in debts
Q. I want a big, white wedding but neither I nor my parents can afford one. My husband’s family are quite well off but they haven’t offered to pay. Is it OK to ask them?
A. Jo says: “There’s no etiquette now with regards to who pays – the idea that it’s the bride’s parents has disappeared and often the bride and groom pay for the day with their parents making contributions. If you want his parents to make a contribution, work out a reasonable budget, put it to them and ask if they’d like to contribute to a particular part of the day.”