In my church, we hold sessions for married couples every last Saturday of the month. Majority of the couples are in their late 30s and early 40s.
A few months ago, we were covering a topic that was particularly hot- ‘I want sex now: Cry of a husband’. ?
Apparently, the topic was suggested by men, because they were feeling like there was a sex drought in their marriages.
The men felt the women were short-changing them when it comes to sex and they were concerned. That is why they were seeking the pastor’s intervention.
From the word go, the session was very interactive and men poured out their hearts. “I know she will hate me for saying this, but my wife always says she has a headache whenever I want to have sex,” one guy opened up.
A second guy cheered him on: “Say it man...Yes these women have endless excuses. Mara they have a headache, mara their periods, mara they are tired...”
“And some of them are even stay-at-home mums, they do nothing the whole day then they tell you they are tired,” one man claimed.
By the way this fallacy that stay-at-home mums do nothing the whole day in the house needs to end. House work is one of the most draining jobs. I digress.
The sisters did not take the accusations lying down.
“Come on guys, what do you expect when your wife comes home from work at 9pm, checks if everything is OK, checks the kids’ homework, ensures you have your dinner, irons your shirts and by the time she goes to bed, it is 11pm and the next day she is the first to wake up. Can she really have any desire for sex when she goes to bed?”
All the women shared such concerns.
In fact, I once came across research that showed that the more sex a couple has, the happier they are.
Sex therapists also say that for a solid and happy marriage, a couple should have sex at least once a week.
That’s the ideal, but given the pressures that working and stay-at-home mothers face, achieving that target is virtually impossible.
As much as sex is a critical component of a healthy marriage, as career women, certain pressures take a toll on us and our energies and desires dip.
Unlike men, women perform double roles - in the house and at the workplace. By the time they are heading to bed, they are exhausted even expecting them to have sex is asking for too much.
Men have an easier time. When they come home, they relax on the couch and wait to be served like a king. But a woman who is also from work does not have that luxury.
Ladies, this article is not to encourage you to slacken in your sex life, but to make you aware of the hurdles on our way to a fulfilling sex life and ultimately happy marriage.
The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-schooler daughter. She shares her day-today-life experience of juggling between career, family and social life