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By William Osoro (@iamosoro)
After the article on types of ladies to avoid next to in a matatu, there are men out there too who seating next to in mat when you are a lady is bound to leave a bitter taste at the back of your mouth.
Peeping Pete
This is the jamaa that steals glances at your phone trying to read your texts.
You might notice that he bursts out laughing if someone inboxes you a funny video or photo. The moment you turn to face him, he pretends to be looking out of the window.
A craftily created message such as “Naonelea nilipue hii maneno saa hizi. Huyu jamaa kando yangu ni kama ananishuku” is enough to send the snooping lad fleeing out the window.
The miner
Despite sometimes being good-looking, this uncouth human being is bound to turn you off quicker than a light bulb during a blackout.
Using his fingers, he unknowingly goes ‘treasure hunting’ in his nose, digging and wiggling with utmost dedication.
Ultimately, his laborious venture bears fruit as he retrieves a yellow-green mass of you know what.
He then proceeds to deposit his new-found wealth on the seat in front where a lucky commuter will get the glorious opportunity of touching it.
The napper
The previous night, he didn’t have enough sleep as he was club hopping with his boys. Come morning, the hangover and sleep deprivation ghosts come calling.
Drifting into the sub-conscious world, he forgets that he is in a matatu and starts dreaming of the skimpily dressed bar tender who promised him kasomething if…
Apart from bearing the weight of his big, egg-shaped head on your shoulder, you also have to deal with the horrendous croaking and steady stream of saliva dripping from the wide open mouth.
Team mafisi
This is arguably the Sacco with the highest number of members in Kenya; it traverses across age, race or religion.
A scorching look is not good enough to ward off his advances. Persistence is his third name. Not even that photo of your runway model bae will intimidate this persistent man.
Woe unto you if you are wearing a skirt which reveals an inch of skin around Thighland. He does unmentionable things to you in his mind.
Apparently, Mombasa ladies have come up with an ingenious solution to dealing with this predator; when walking along the road and you come across those “mganga hodari” kinds of posters, memorise the phone number provided.
When he asks for your digits, pea yeye hiyo number ya mganga
***
Plastic surgery inaweza kuwa how much mtu akiwa na plastic zake?
