Dating: Why there's no chastity in 90-day rule

By Miss Mandi | 3yrs ago | 3 min read

The 90-day rule is a controversial take on relationships. It has its detractors and supporters, who mainly think it is a good means of fishing out the ‘hit and ditch’ type of men. Some experts recommend it for those interested in a long-term relationship to avoid men who are sports fishing.

I came across a book recently in which the author argues that men get bored easily if they conquer and get the benefits too early in the dating game. Apparently, they get challenged and satisfaction in the wait. The to-and-fro thrill of trying to win the trophy is what gets them hooked and interested.

My friend Sarah (not her real name) met this charming guy in one of those high-end bars. She is the go-getter type and swoops in fast as soon as she spots a guy she is interested in. She is the type that would sit at a table with men and order flutes of Dom Pérignon champagne without batting an eyelid.

She has always played by the 30- day rule and is not generous with her treasure trove. She claims that before getting the key to the city, a man must first prove his worth. So, when she called me last weekend over to her house at 3am, I knew something must be wrong. She was anguished. The man she had preserving herself for a whole 35 days before laying out the red carpet just dumped her.

Apparently, the brother texted her and in not so many words, made it clear that her bedroom skills were akin to a Brazilian side pitted against Germany. He even regretted waiting so long for such an anticlimax! I am not a stickler for rules, neither do I have a schedule with unrealistic formulae on when to yield and give in to the throes of passionate sexual ecstasy.

I do not subscribe to the 90-day sex manual. As far as I am concerned, when two mature and consenting adults want to tear at each other in a passionate sexcapade after just two hours, they might as well go ahead. Maturity is the key and 90 days is not that long anyway if you come to think of it.

However, deliberately, withholding sex, notwithstanding the burning desire that might make you lose your head, may not necessarily create the impression that you are a proper girl. How can you even tell whether the guy is into you if you are so concerned with make-believe chastity belts and laser beams around your loins?

The 90-day rule should have nothing to do with sex. While sex is the cherry on top of a long-awaited sundae, it should not be the ultimate goal. You would have scored regardless of when you decide to give him the coital pass. And there are no guarantees; you still stand a chance of getting hurt even if the honey jar remains unopened. The choice is yours.