Ten shengski sentences that may save your life

Lez face it – there’s English, Swa, Spanish, Sminglish – then a sheng that is so hardcore when you hear it, you may as well be hearing Greek, even if tis just D (Dandora) or Ongwaro tis @.

In other words, toso adiallaktos the borouse na enai Ellines (that is ‘so hardcore it could be Greek,’ in Greek). 

Here are ten Sheng sentences – with translations – to make you sound hardcore in the ghetto.

(i)  Sina ata njui hii mwisho kabla ya Mesty kupeleka ma-red Rose da’ance. Nilitumia ngithe kwa KDF, kuseti na kulaze we’beg (I don’t even have fifty bob this end-month before schools re-open to take the beautiful ladies out. I used my savings on miraa, sports betting and bags of weed). 

(ii)  Niko wire na seng’enga nikichuna sembe niambie more na muinengi twende ubabini kugodha ma-Bombee, lakini na teteva kunyambishwa na ma-Hessey (I’m so broke that, as I chew on ugali, I’m day-dreaming about getting two of my Besties we go to the leafy suburbs, and rob us some rich peeps; but I’m scared of being shot by Flying Squad).

(iii) Yeda wa huyo mzengazwang alinishow sogi ndiye aligondo huyo monsai thofo; ati maze yuko na mbo mboi, ata akijaza gas, amegwara ku-get mless (It is the wing guy of that confused man who told me his bodyguard is the one who has impregnated his Fat Wife. Even if he gets angry, he has failed to conceive).

(iv)   Leo niko mfuko lazma ni cheze kama wewe, sichezi chini na masound buzz. Watakula maweng na sheng ya Badest, mnyonyi, na baadaye ni kulamba lolo (Today I have a lot of dough, I must make it count; I’ll not play underground but in a loud club. They will eat my money, listen to my language, drink my liquor n, later, lick my ‘lollipop.’).

(v) Vuta wire ama mneti tuchapiane mkoro aki-go; usicheze hard, kuwa social ki-radar, nibangaise gendi tu-link dous, unipe keroma na nunu (Call me, or chat me on the Net we plan when your mom bounces, I catch a matatu to your place. Don’t play hard to get, be social, cook me lunch, then gimme yur kitten)!

(vi)   Mbekse mboy na fa’me wa hio mbogi walipanda pira pubic wakaitisha tonje; Basi mzwang nikuwapa riba ni ka ni fafri, arif akachomoa bilaa kiMessi, chura kanyuria (The guy n gal from the gang got into a PSV n asked for the laptop. The laptop dude refused, n starting givin’ em stories like they pals; Riffraff expertly pulled out a knife, stabbed him, dude died. Ugly bizness!)

(vii)   Baada ya kukinda tonje, wakapitia ikombe kuweka mkwanja, wakaenda keja kumbulu, kushika kae na wakatokomona. Kumbe Agent ni Mrazi!  Kwenda mloite nje usiku, ndio ndai ya Wanjege, musu za oboho na maitos dukwara, wakaekelea mahiti, wakaita KTN’ (After selling the laptop, the criminal couple passed by the bank agent to bank cheddar. They then went digs, watched TV, had sex n slept! But the agent was an Informer! Going to the outside loo at night, the guy found a car full of cops who shot him, then planted a homemade gun on his corpse, before calling Media.’

(viii)   Bazenga ametuma wasanii na koto kwa banka ya matoko, matokeo ya kuwe ng’ombe na sio matulutulu (The Big Man has send thugs with master keys to the phone shop, to return with (stolen) smart phones and not ‘kabambes’).

(ix) Mbwenya aliambia huyo ndoko survivor kwa sababu ye ni ndenge petco, lazma abaki ndondo. Basi dame mwere kauliza mnyaka mukuru jeji ka kuna tei, ngale na juba huko jumba mbanyu? (The Court told the survivor of the prior shootout that since she a killer gang leader, she’s sentenced to jail for life. The idiot gal then asks the old lady-judge if there’s booze, smokes and khat available in prison).

(x) Nilitoka moshathe na murenga nikafika kilabu na huyo lelei. Nafikiri ye ni Empress, kumbe ni poko amenizamia dau na mburungo, tukiwa chini ya ma-tap tap (I returned from upcountry in a vehicle, then went to the rave with that lady. Imma imagining she’s an impresario, kumbe she just a hoe who pick-pocketed my money, and other valuables as we made out).