To my unborn child

The heart pounds and my instincts tell me he’s around. There he walks by, my “Adam”, his dreadlocks tied in a neat pony tail, in blue jeans and fitting t-shirt. My mind sends a signal to my stomach and I feel butterflies making their dance inside. Knowing I’m at my best today and hoping and praying he forgot our argument in the morning I wait patiently for him to pass me by and I exhale as he passes me by. Within a second my mind forms an impression “how dare he ignore me. “ Just like a command my body is back to normal but my mind is in a race of question and scenarios. I bet now you know how that moment can be ruined in a mini second.

Nine months of mixed feelings and reactions. Each day had its own shortcomings and inside me was a life being formed. Have you ever felt like giving up each time you face difficulties? Well in my case I just wanted to go ten feet under and just be history but as these thoughts crossed my mind I always thought of my unborn baby.

Every seed planted a farmer always expects good harvest and so is life, what we plant is what we reap. Marriage is beautiful and the best gift any human being can give to each other but warning signs are everywhere it’s not always a bar of chocolate. A time will come when my girl will grow up and be a girl and guess what I don’t want to be a mother but her best friend, her back up plan: when everything goes wrong she knows mummy is always my back up plan. We all wish to have the “perfect” family but this comes with hard work, respect and sacrifice.

The beauty that comes with being a mother or a parent is when you see your baby grow. No one was born being a perfect parent. I remember asking my mother and "Adam" if I was going to be a good mother and what were the dos and don’ts of the book. Definitely everyone tells you that you are going to be the best! When that time comes and you experience the veins force blood to every part of your body and the brain sends message to the heart and you feel the joy of being a parent, trust me you will be ready to take a bullet for this moment to last and also to give the best to the new harvest.

The world is a war zone everyone is protecting themselves from pain and heartbreaks. “My princess, I will not be able to always shield you from this but I will be there to hold you when you cry and every step of the way I will be there. There are times when mummy will cry don’t worry even the sun at times gives way to the rain to wash away the dust. It is okay to be sad. There are wounds that will never heal but let it not stop you from flying so high like an eagle. There times daddy and I will fight but never think that we will let go of our little harvest.” To all my farmers we are not archangels we mess up most times but let us try to be like shadows to our harvest; not seen but felt.