4 places women go to that teach them 'tabia mbaya'

 As soon as the chama and her secret savings enables her to acquire a plot, she starts talking to the man like the boss, not adoringly like the wife Photo: Courtesy

Some places women go to can ruin their marriages. The places and associations below are what can end a woman’s happiness:

The salon

It is where women enter looking like plain Jane and come out looking like ‘Becky with the good hair’ who Beyoncé is whining about in Lemonade.

The salon is no ordinary place. It is like a gossip armory where what you pick can either break or make you.

Picture this, Mama Boi walks into the neighbourhood salon for a hairdo. The salonist is a chatterbox and know-it-all snitch.

A conversation is ignited out of the blues as Mama Boi tells them she needs to make her hair because she will be travelling upcountry, where she will stay for a while because finances are tight in the family. “I cannot stoop that low to please a man, what do you mean your husband asked you to move upcountry? Did he marry you to babysit his parents in geshagi?” hairdresser A quips

Her colleague jumps in with a snort: “My friend, let me tell you, that man is just looking for an excuse to bring another woman into your house. If things are tight, then let him beg if he must,  but do not go anywhere.”

Mama Boi leaves the salon fuming. The hubby gets home and she informs him that she has changed her mind. She is no longer willing to go upcountry, and if she must,  then they are going together, she states with finality.  Baba Boi cannot fathom what’s happened to bring about the sudden change of heart. Little does he know that wifey visited the ‘house of sin.’

Chamas

As much as these self-help groups have financially empowered women, they have also taught women to open secret bank accounts. As soon as the chama and her secret savings enables mama to acquire a plot, she starts talking down at baba like the boss, not adoringly like the wife.

Some of the ‘seminars’ they go to are nothing but forums for extra-marital affairs.

The church

At the risk of being condemned as a sinner, I have to say that churches have brainwashed many women. If every evening your wife is at a kesha or a conference for church women, man, there’s something wrong with your family. As much as we have to put God first, it doesn’t mean we have to neglect our families.

I know of women who respect the pastor more than they respect their husbands. A pastor gets into the house and she is like,“Usitoe viatu mchungaji.” She welcomes him warmly and can even use her last savings to treat him.

But if the hubby, tired from a long day in the office and stressed from dealing with an irritating boss, staggers home - into a house he pays for - she reprimands him and screams at the top of her voice because the poor guy did not remove his shoes at the door. And when things are tight and the man suggests that she uses some of her money for food - to feed their children- she calls him names and claims he is good for nothing. Jesus! Which God are you serving woman?

Girls night out

It is worse if your woman still hangs out with unmarried friends. Yes, your husband might be liberal and open-minded enough to allow you go out with your friends. But if you ask me, there must be boundaries and restrictions with such arrangements.

She gets to be tipsy when you are not around and flirts. If this is allowed to continue, chances of her cheating are very high. Besides, if the ‘girls’ she hangs out with are not married, they’ll negatively influence her in ways that can possibly ruin her marriage.

The stuff they are likely to discuss over wine would most likely veer off to how good or bad you are between the sheets, how much you earn, and how little you give her. They’ll tell her she looked more bubbly when she was single and shouldn’t have rushed into marriage.

As a married woman, keep your single friends, but there is only so much you can share with them.

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@ScophineO