Bye 20s, hello 30 years: 30 great life lessons that come with age

I will turn 30 any moment from now. There is some begrudging pain in my heart that I never milked enough from my 20s. I never messed around enough, never played enough, never drunk enough, never did enough for the only period in man’s life that truly counts; you have the energy, the explosive libido, and the brains to actualise anything. Now, I have this nagging fear that I may never swim out of the conformity that comes with the 30s.

However, I will not mourn. Instead, I have asked myself, if Plato, Socrates and Aristotle were alive today, what kind of wisdom, would they dispense. And here, I have it raw. Some may sound clichéd, while others might be familiar for those who read this column regularly.

Here are 30 great life lessons:

1. No sooner you marry, than all the beautiful women you always craved for throw themselves at you. Be contented with your wife.

2. Ensure your kids only go to universities and colleges in big cities. In Kenya, only Nairobi counts. It exposes them to the best opportunities. A ‘bad’ course in a city university is 10 times better than a crappy science course from a university in the bush.

3. Don’t ever pay college fee for a woman, be she your wife or a prospective wife. She will treat you like a broken broomstick after graduation.

4. Nobody really knows what they are doing. We are all trying to pay bills, whichever way.

5. Don’t assume that women don’t fart.

6. Always treat your wife and kids as human beings. They will treat you as one in your old age. Or in your sickbed.

7. Forget the past. Live now. Leave the future to God.

8. The best place to sort out the mess in your life is mostly where you are standing. And avoid dragging people into it.

9. When gossiping, don’t do it online. Screenshots of your giggly and conspiratorial chats can make Judas Iscariot look like a saint.

10. As a man, always be the head of the house. Always.

11. Once some women climb one social ladder, their level of contempt multiples tenfold. As a man, just marry down.

12. Don’t ever make plans with a woman’s money.

13. Women are biologically and genetically ungrateful.

14. Sometimes the worst things that happen in life bring out the best outcomes, don’t ‘over-mourn.’

15. Ensure your kids choose their ancestors properly

16. Drink water. Lots of water.

17. Learn to say no to any beer bought after 2am. If married, go home before midnight.

18. Confidence in life is sometimes better than intelligence. Make sure your kids have lots of it.

19. Some friendships will die a natural death. Leave them alone. Only one per cent marry the love of their lives. The rest are trapped via unwanted pregnancies.

20. Food in five-star hotels is overrated.

21. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Our paths in life are so different and the world so big, there is always something for everyone.

22. Always strive to be a free person, immune to people’s judgement. Do your thing.

23. Procrastination is a killer of dreams.

24. Read good books and use the knowledge appropriately.

25. Travel.

26. Pay your debts. Always.

27. Never define success and happiness by material possessions. Make it a state of the mind.

28. Work hard, but possess a heart that can be contented with the prevailing circumstances.

29. Always have friends you can count on.

30. Don’t raise a family in New York, or Kisumu.

Happy New Year Folks. Have a good one

@nyanchwani

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