Old School: 10 of the most memorable and hilarious quotes from school principals

School principals ensured that secondary school was never a failed experiment in preparing young people for the world. They were feared, some even hated by students, and even some teachers. But their wit in churning out memorable quotes left many students scratching their heads. Here’s what a few people we spoke to could remember about their principals and teachers.

Patrick Ojero (Deputy head teacher, Kisumu Boys)

All new Form Ones were welcomed with this gem: “These days you go to class and what do you see? A galaxy of distinguished fools. A constellation of idiots, perpetual dwellers of the bottom strata. Some of them have attitudinal mediocrity. They are the first ever Form Ones to emerge from their villages. They are village celebrities, they want us to worship them, we cannot. Stupid! They cannot pass.”

Simon Nabukhwesi (Friends School Kamusinga)

“A king does not urinate in the bush,” he said to his boys just before the holidays, warning them not to embarrass the school while they were at home. Nabukhwesi served as Kenya’s Ambassador to Canada.

JK Ndumbi (Murang’a High School)

This school principal would call out names of indisciplined students in the parade and say: “Gentlemen, this morning I’m going to show you how important you are, and how useless you can be.”

Sister Anne (Lwak Girls)

At the assembly grounds, when girls avoided the assembly square, Sr Anne Owuor would say: “Girls, girls, that light is not for ocho (basking),” while referring to the security light that stood close to a thicket.

Kaunda Ogweno (Kanga High School)

Whenever the boys complained about not getting enough food, he would say: “This is not a fattening camp. We only feed you to keep you alive. We don’t want you to die.”

Ruth Cheruiyot (Pangani Girls)

To the girls who always found themselves on her suspension list, ‘Cherry’ would say: “You are bobbing (popping) out of school like bobcorns (popcorns).”

Efait C Aluku (St Peter’s Mumias Boys High School)

You just did not laze around and idle in this man’s presence, or else he would equate you to a cow saying, “Boys don’t just standing there chewing cud!”

Mrs Okello (Kenya High)

She was a maths teacher who associated herself with sharp girls. “The rest of you will catch up,” she would say. And woe unto you if she thought of you ‘otherwise.’ She would tease with the stinging remarks, “Woman, you have no brains, no beauty, no money...you are a disaster in life (said with a Russian accent).

Samuel Akoko (Mbita High)

The man loved hockey so much. So, before a match, he would tell the boys, “If you miss the ball, don’t miss the person.”

John Kirui (Kericho High)

He always warned mischievous boys that he smoke them out thus: “Boys, boys... long is not forever.”

What hilarious quote was your principal or teacher popular for? Send them to [email protected]